


Two Wrongs Make It...Right?

by China_Rose, Thokjr



Series: Assumptions Series [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, RPF, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 03:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 44,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/China_Rose/pseuds/China_Rose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thokjr/pseuds/Thokjr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The simplest things can cause an argument but arguments are never simple things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Wrongs Make It...Right?

  
Banner by China Rose

**Fic Title:** Two Wrongs Make It Right  
 **Sub-Title:** Learn from the mistakes of others because you won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

**Author Name:** China Rose and Thok Jr

**Artist Name:** quarterwhore

**Pairing:** J2 (Established Relationship) with a touch of Jake Abel  
 **Word Count:** Total – 43,900

**Warnings/Spoilers:** A Few things you should be aware of:  
1\. This is set during the filming of Season 4, Episode 19 Jump The Shark, so if you haven’t seen Season 4 then you may end up spoiled.  
2\. CRACKFIC. Don’t drink and read it’s detrimental to the health of your computer. This story is pure humor; deliberately unbelievable and completely insane...trust us we know! The story takes an irreverent look at the characters we have all grown to love and hate on the show but and without them Supernatural wouldn’t be what it is. The story is meant to make you laugh and it is very tongue in cheek. Essentially the line between characters and actors blurs, as we take a peek into the life of Jared and Jensen for one day on the set of Supernatural. So no harm is intended by the story and we are certainly not attacking anyone. We have used comments from fans, articles and interviews to color the story and we wrote this to laugh at ourselves as fans.

**Summary:** The simplest things can cause an argument but arguments are never simple things.

**Special Thanks:** To our wonderful artist Quarterwhore who stepped in at the eleventh hour. Words fail us for what you have made in such a short time. Your enthusiasm and your talent have brightened our week no end. This story certainly comes alive thanks to your efforts. So folks please go look at the assortment of banners, gifs and chapter headings that Quarterwhore has created for us and tell her how much you love her work.

**Beta:** To thoks your efforts are always valued and your ideas are wonderful. We know we asked a lot so thank you for sharing this journey with us. We know the story is better for your help. kuhekabir thanks for taking the time to edit this for us. We love your insights and as always are grateful that you gave up time to work on the story. Lastly if any mistakes are found please don’t shoot the betas; Flanigan and I did the final edit so the fault lies with us and us alone.

**A/N 1:** This is a follow up story to Assumption is the Mother of All Fuck Ups 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 but you don’t have to read that one to understand this one.  
 **A/N 2:** For a complete list of endnotes, characters, translations and music Story Information.  
 **A/N 3:** Jake Abel played Adam Winchester in Season 4, Episode 19 Jump The Shark  
 **A/N 4:** Italics are thoughts but just to confuse things they are sometimes used for emphasis.

**Comments and Reviews:** Always welcome.

**Disclaimer:** This story is a work of fiction. It is from my imagination and written down for a giggle and it is in no way meant to harm any person or persons. I don’t know the boys or anyone else mentioned here. I have no idea what they do in their spare time other than what I’ve read in fan magazines and I simply wrote a story about two men who happen to work in Vancouver and who like each other very much. I want to stress that any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and no money is in any way, shape or form involved here.

**************************************************************

 

**The Present Day**

“Got the coffee?” An all too familiar voice called from behind him.

He held up the tray of coffees in answer before getting into the car. He sat with a grin on his face feeling content and yet the moment was tinged with sadness. After all he had experienced, this would the last season; it was a bittersweet moment in an otherwise perfect morning. Six months ago he was ready to quit, walk out the door and never come back. In all honesty the only thing that had stopped him leaving back then was a contract but he was glad for it now. Sure things didn’t always go to plan but hey life’s like that and he had learnt the hard way that getting into a ship shape routine was not necessarily a good thing because life is too unpredictable.

Murphy’s Law had been nothing more than a bit of fun to him but now he lived by it. If there is one thing he had learned in his time it’s when it comes to the set of Supernatural whatever can go wrong, will, in the most catastrophic of ways.

 

*************************************************************

**Two Years Earlier**

It had been just another day on set, film a scene here, make-up there and some stunt work in between; nothing too out of the ordinary, well as ordinary as you can get on the set of Supernatural. All in all it had been going fine until Jensen felt the need to comment on the lighting. The resultant argument had started out as a simple professional disagreement between an actor and lighting tech about just how much lighting was actually needed for the scene they were filming.

The scene was supposed to be set in a moonlit room, but the lighting guy had put in enough lights to power up a small nation. Jensen commented that the guy was maybe a little too exuberant and then the lighting guy told Jensen to concentrate on acting because he sure as hell knew how to light a set. Things went downhill from there, ending when the lighting guy insisted that the light from Jensen’s ass would be enough to illuminate the scene and at that point Jensen refused to act until the situation was resolved.

Consequently the boys were sent home early and after a little too much to drink, Jared and Jensen found themselves in an interesting situation. The problem was they loved to play jokes on each other and so, on this occasion Jared saw an opportunity and ran with it hoping to pull off the perfect practical joke on Jensen. However, it didn’t quite turn out how he had planned and he certainly wasn’t prepared for the consequences. In the end Jared decided to stop playing jokes on Jensen and instead they joined forces to play jokes on everyone else on the set. They were inseparable; a couple like this hadn’t been seen on the small screen since Starsky and Hutch. It was a match made in heaven and they all lived happily ever after until…

**************************************************************

**Prologue**

In the beginning, despite the fame gained by being the leads in a reasonably successful television series, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles lived simple lives together. None of this star treatment for them; they valued the everyday things in life and dealt with the demands of their chosen career as each situation arose. They were merely two Texan boys who happened to act for a living, not two stars that happened to hail from Texas. Of course being home grown Texans, they didn’t stand for anything pretentious. These boys guarded their privacy, pulled each other up if one or the other looked like going Hol-ly-wood and generally they enjoyed the same things any other red blooded male in the prime of his life enjoyed…ball games, beer, and buddies, usually in that order.

They strived to keep their lives normal, well as best as they could, considering their chosen career but despite it all they worked, lived and played together in perfect harmony and it was GOOD. They had learned the hard way that assumptions were the mother of all fuck ups so they took no chances now. They maintained their flawless relationship by not complaining about who did or didn’t do what, by accepting each other’s choices of friends and by never assuming anything about the other and so their relationship flourished despite the grind of their daily lives.

Every day they endured long hours of shooting that were punctuated by the occasional practical joke, multiple trips to craft services to keep the tummy grumbles at bay, maybe an interview or two and an afternoon nanny nap. After some fifteen hours of filming they wearily trudged to the car for a ride home, turned on the television for some mindless entertainment before falling into bed for a few scant hours of sleep before starting it all over again. Variations to the routine were limited to days off or press junkets and they were few and far between so generally life for these young men was monotonous yet somewhat comforting in its simplicity.

It was all so unexciting and they did it day in and day out. Unfortunately when things unravel, as they sometimes do, more often than not they do so at that point in time that ensures everything else will cascade into disarray and before you can blink, that simple routine has become complicated and disjointed and as far from comfortable as it can get. Sadly for Jared and Jensen today was going to be one of those days. It should have started and ended just like all the others but you know those days, right? The ones where you should have taken a left at Albuquerque but instead you ended up at Mount St Helens just before it erupted.

***********************************

 

Today started like any other day. While Jensen lingered in bed, Jared took their dogs, Sadie, Harley and Icarus for a run. Usually Jared returned after half an hour, hurriedly showered and dressed before shoving an ‘I don’t want to get up’ Jensen out the door, coffee in hand, to the waiting car for the hour drive to the set, bada bing bada boom. What they didn’t know was that today was not going to be like any other day.

As always Jared and the dogs jogged down the same path and as always it was uneventful. That was until Icarus spotted the neighbor’s cat and took off after the furry little bundle at speeds that made the Starship Enterprise look like a row boat. Sadie and Harley immediately gave chase; in turn Jared stepped up the pace to catch the runaway animals. So instead of having a leisurely morning jog, he did the hundred yard dash at speeds that an Olympic sprinter would be proud of. When he finally caught up with the dogs, Sadie and Harley had the little creature bailed up in a large elm tree some ten blocks from home while Icarus, being a cock-a-poodle, bounced up and down and yapped non-stop. An enormous amount of time was lost while they waited for the fire brigade to arrive and rescue the stressed ball of fluff. Jared was now running late and with Edward Scissor Paws in one hand and the leashes of three rambunctious dogs in the other, he hobbled home to discover that Jensen had slept in.

Tired and frustrated by his unexpected tour of Vancouver’s suburban sprawl, Jared was in no mood to pamper to Jensen’s ‘I’m not a morning person’ ways. He flung open the bedroom door and roared, “Fire! Fire!” before sprinting down the hall to have a shower while his shell shocked co-star was propelled to consciousness.

On hearing Jared’s frantic cries, Jensen immediately rolled out of bed and began to crawl to the nearest exist trying to avoid the smoke that he was sure was billowing just above his head.

“Jared, Jared?” he screamed trying not to breathe too deeply in case he copped a lung full of smoke. As he reached the hallway he stopped and nervously looked around. Although things were a little hazy without his glasses he was sure that while he couldn’t see the smoke clearly (and there was a contradiction in terms if ever he’d heard one) then he should have at least been able to smell it.

Where’s the smoke?” He wondered as he sniffed the air like a dog and then the other shoe dropped. “You’re a dead man Padalecki,” Jensen shouted as he staggered to his feet, relief and anger vying for dominance, while his heart desperately tried to calm down.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold but not today. He raced to the toilet and flushed it in the sublime hope that it took all the cold water from Jared’s shower and left his lover scalded and sorry for his antics. The ensuing “Jenseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen” assured him that he had succeeded and for a brief second Jensen’s morning seemed a little brighter than usual.

Of course such unplanned activities, like escaping imaginary fires and rescuing furry creatures from the jaws of death, okay three dogs and a very tall tree, left neither of them any time for their usual morning routine, so they hurriedly finished getting ready. They were mad at each other, mad at the change in their day and mad because before they could have that first necessary shot of caffeine, they were bundled into the waiting car to speed off to work. This was so not a good start to the day as the two men sat in the back seat each wedged against opposite doors and stubbornly looking out their respective windows.

Gary, their Asian driver, threw a couple of scripts onto the back seat and in his heavily broken English accent told them, “Krippe say script changed. Krippe say read. Krippe say learn. What Krippe want, Krippe get. You do now.”

The boys wearily grabbed the scripts and silently read a page here or there; committing what they could to memory which, this morning, wasn’t much at all. All was fine, which was saying something on a morning when nothing had gone right so far, until Jared heard a slight breathy laugh escape Jensen’s lips.

“What?” Jared grumped. Clearly he had missed something.

“Sam is sooooo bad,” Jensen announced matter-of-factly.

Jared calmly laid his script in his lap and stared at Jensen. “What do you mean Sam is sooooo bad?”

He was genuinely confused. He accepted that poor Sam had his issues, sure, but who didn’t? As far as Jared was concerned Sam was doing okay considering what he had been through. Mind you, in Jared’s eyes Sam could do no wrong, so this was tantamount to a declaration of war by Jensen who seemed to be insinuating that Sam was some badass who didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself.

So the question remained, “What exactly has Sam done that it is so bad?”

“You need me to define evil for you Jared, really?” Jensen couldn’t believe Jared didn’t understand where he was coming from; it was obvious to him that ‘Sam’ was another word for evil.

“No Jensen, I’m asking you to explain to me why you think Sam is bad. We all know that sometimes you have to fight evil with evil. So tell me what is it?”

“Well let’s see. He sucks demons out of humans and sometimes sucks a little too hard and hey presto they die. Sam is supposed to hunt things and save people not play ‘talk to the hand’ and fry their brains. Dude that’s bad.”

“Oh and Dean is such an angel? Hello, alcoholic, sexaholic! Addictive personality much!”

“Well first off, well yeah, he is…an angel I mean…literally…dude Castiel…”

“Dean’s not an angel he was just saved by one,” Jared interjected. He didn’t like where this little tiff was heading and was hoping to nip it the bud before all hell broke loose. Hopefully whatever bug was up Jensen’s ass had now died and all would go back to normal.

“Yeah, well not yet anyway,” muttered Jensen.

“Look, we don’t know if Dean is going to be an angel, just like we don’t know if Sam is going to be a demon.” He stated as he went back to his script hoping that this little difference of opinion was at an end and the rest of the journey would be without further incident.

“True we don’t, but what we do know is that I’m not, I mean Dean is not, a sexaholic. It was one review dude, one bad review and suddenly the whole world is up in arms over Dean’s deviant sexual practices and out of control urges. What the fuck?” Jensen didn’t deal well with the Press at the best of times, let alone when they attacked Dean, because in his eyes attacking Dean was attacking him.

Jared carefully laid the script in his lap and asked smugly “Do you even know what a sexaholic is?”

“I know exactly what a sexaholic is,” Jensen declared, affronted that Jared thought he was an idiot. “It’s someone who sleeps with a human and likes it…a lot.” He sat back content that he had shut up his lover and hopefully the rest of the drive would be in peace.

Jared nodded true enough, he thought. Content that this discussion was over, he picked up his script hoping to return to some semblance of normalcy but his wish was short lived.

“You’re right we don’t know if Sam is or will be a demon…” Jensen stated.

Jared looked at him and just knew that this couldn’t be going anywhere good.

“…he’s just an evil son of bitch!” Jensen muttered. He knew he should’ve left well enough alone but no coffee equaled little tolerance for a co-star who wore rose-colored glasses. Let’s just say the big red button that said ‘don’t push’, just got pushed.

Jared slammed his script down and glared at Jensen, “Okay, what the fuck is your problem!”

Jared too was coffeeless and after running the streets of Vancouver at break neck speed just an hour earlier he simply didn’t have the energy to put up with a stubborn jerk who wore glasses that apparently only showed black and white. Fuck shades of grey, a nice pink might've made him a little more tolerable, Jared angrily thought.

“What’s my problem?” Jensen shouted back. “That! That’s my problem!” He said pointing accusingly in Jared’s direction.

“What?!” Jared cried in frustration.

“The way you’re looking at me! You’re trying to destroy my soul with your eyes!” Jensen hissed.

“Destroy…dude no I wasn’t and even if I was, it wouldn’t do much, after forty years in hell, your soul isn’t intact anyway.”

“And whose fault is that? I sold my soul to save your evil ass!”

“Oh please, I have demon blood in me, not the fucking Ebola virus and at least my evil ass has had a real girlfriend.” Anyway as far as Jared was concerned, whether Sam was evil or not was irrelevant because at least he had standards.

“I’ve had a girlfriend and guess what? She didn’t need Smokey the Bear to put her out.” Jensen knew that was a low blow but when its war you go in swinging. Who cares if you hit below the belt as long as you get one in.

Jared took a breath to calm himself, “Jess was the ONE you insensitive jerk!”

“Hey I’m just saying that while I admit she was smoking’, I prefer my women hot not charred.” It was harsh but Jensen was on a roll. He knew he was digging a hole that he was not going to easily climb out of, but he was tired and mad and damn it, if he felt that way then everyone else needed to know it.

However, Jared wasn’t much better, “Oh right, like that hot little number that almost got you killed by a possessed truck? Yeah she was so much better…give me a break”

Jensen’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he tried to fathom what the hell Jared was on about and then it dawned on him, “who? Cassie?”

That hole Jensen had been digging was well on its way to China and apparently Jared intended to go there him because Jared didn’t hold back either. “Yeah Cassie, Miss ‘I love…no we can’t…wait I still love…save my father, oh wait he’s dead…no we can’t.’ Oh please a fire would have been a godsend for that ‘relationship’ and I use the term loosely by the way. Then there was Andrea you remember the one with the kid and her husband was killed on the lake, and what about little Layla, the chick with the brain tumor, and Lisa…incidentally is Ben my nephew? Wow talk about lack of commitment: widow, dying and dumped. That’s quite a history and let’s not forget your more recent relationships, the double-mint twins, Jamie, who had a fetish for lederhosen…kinky and Anna of course. Angel delights, hmm mmm. Yeah you sure can pick ‘em.”

“At least they were human, even Anna. She mutated afterwards,” Jensen countered. “They were all, walking, talking real life girls unlike your liaisons. As for alcoholic, at least I can blame my less favorable sexual antics on beer goggles. You were stone cold sober when you decided to screw that werewolf and let’s not forget the demon. So bestiality and a demonic fetish huh? Don’t think I could ever be drunk enough to go there,” he smugly declared.

“I like women,” Jared challenged.

“No you like claws, fur, demons, dead bodies and…”

“Don’t you dare!” Jared warned.

Jensen forged on regardless, “At best you’re sleeping with a demon, at worst a dead chick. Prize pick Sammy. Bravo!”

“Hey I have standards, unlike you, a girl having two feet and a heartbeat isn’t enough…” ok so his standards didn’t look high when you look at them in black and white but Jared wasn’t going to admit that, no way was he backing down that easy.

“No yours don’t have hearts. I cite Ruby, exhibit ‘A.’ Interesting standards you have: rapist or necrophiliac; take your pick. I’m still trying to decide if it’s actually a step up from bestiality”

“Ruby took an empty body,” Jared reminded Jensen.

“If a body is empty its dead…necro…”

“That body was viable,” screamed Jared.

“Well it’s walking and talking but viable isn’t a word I’d use.”

Jared sighed and changed tact, “You do know that in a world where sexually transmitted diseases are on the increase, then the use of a condom lessens the spread of said diseases. The concept of If it’s not on, it’s not on was designed to encourage safe sex. My sexual practices while repugnant to your tastes at least don’t spawn children. How many little Deans are scattered along the highways of this country because you didn’t wear a raincoat, huh?

“Wow when did we become the Trojan front man? How much did they pay you to be a walking talking billboard…’cause in all honesty I think their wasting their money!”

“What are you inferring?”

Jensen knew Dean’s sexual history was a somewhat checkered, but there was no backing down now. “While you might think I don’t bother with safe sex, I bet you didn’t stop what you were doing to check your back pocket when you screwed Ruby? I seriously doubt it. That little insight you gave me into how you filled your days and nights while I was in hell really told me that your priority was not a jock jacket.”

“I was careful,” Sort of, thought Jared.

That’s what she said, thought Jensen self-righteously. “So say you.”

Jared launched at Jensen, “Take it back.”

“No! You said I was sexaholic.”

“And you said I was into dead chicks,” roared Jared as he grabbed a fist full of Jensen’s shirt.

“I call ‘em how I see them,” Jensen yelled as he tried to push Jared away.

Gary had seen his share of backseat antics from the boys but certainly nothing like this. He slammed on the brakes and the boys flew off the seat in a mass of arms and legs. “We here. You get out now. Krippe gonna be mad at you. I back later to watch execooootion.”

The boys climbed from the car and stood disheveled and grumpy as Gary sped away leaving them both in a cloud of dust. They briefly faced each other, Jared opened his mouth to speak but then changed his mind; Jensen started to raise his hand as if to grab Jared’s arm but then let it drop. Neither had the energy to fight one another at the moment and some serious amounts of coffee were needed before round two. So they headed off in sullen silence to meet the make-up girls, Shannon and Jeannie.

************************************

 

Time in the make-up trailer was usually relaxing as the girls fussed over them but Jared and Jensen had far from made up. A truce had been agreed upon but it was a purely telepathic agreement; at least that’s what they thought had happened. So today it seemed that the make-up trailer was less make-up and more no man’s land and unfortunately the girls were trapped in the cross fire as the boys trudged inside and slumped into their respective chairs.

The girls were wide-eyed as they stared at the men. Both looked as if they had just survived an A-bomb attack only to find that wasn’t a good enough excuse for a day off work.

“Jensen what’s this?” Jeannie demanded as pointed to the dark circles under his eyes. “Bad night honey?

“Rough morning,” replied Jensen as he stared straight ahead avoiding any eye contact with Jared.

Shannon hovered over Jared. “Is that a scratch on your face? Jared?” Her voice went up an octave in abject horror. “Jared there’s a scratch on your face. Have you been fighting?” she asked with hands on hips and toe tapping impatiently.

Jared shrugged and stared at his hands; he so didn’t want to explain the fight in the car. “No, had to rescue a cat. It wasn’t very thankful,” Jared forced a smile in an attempt to show everything was okay in his world.

Now Jensen could have left well enough alone but he just couldn’t control himself, “Yeah I would’ve been scared too if I was that cat, what with your history and all.”

“History?” asked Shannon. “Jared what does he mean?” She was more than a little confused.

“Hey, I’m just saying if he’ll do a dead chick, why not a cat?” Jensen wouldn’t even look at Jared because he knew if he did, he’d end up using a lot more than words to hurt him.

“DUDE!” Jared could barely contain the anger and disgust he was feeling at that moment.

The girls scrunched their noses and squealed “Jared!”

“Jared just what have you been doing?” Shannon cautiously asked.

“Doing the dead chick…” Jensen casually muttered.

Jared leapt to his feet, swung Jensen around, hands gripping the arms of the chair and loomed over his boyfriend, “Leave…it…alone.” He demanded.

“Make me,” Jensen countered unimpressed that Jared was using his body as a threat. “Besides, I’m merely pointing out that your choices are often uhm…unusual.”

“And yours are…”

“Human,” declared Dean with wry smile.

“Hey I do the best I can under the circumstances.”

“No you follow your pecker and then justify your choices.”

“Well if you’re anything to go by, then geez maybe you’re right! Besides I needed Ruby,” Jared argued back.

Shannon and Jeannie stood back and let this weird argument play out. The boys have had their little tiffs in the past but it had never been physical, well not beyond a gummi bear here and a pinch there. It was never more than playful teasing and the girls knew that the best thing to do in those situations was to let it play out until they kissed and made up. Still it was a little weird to hear them talking about their characters as if they were real people. After all there was method acting and then there was METHOD ACTING. The boys had moved into the latter category which seemed to now blur the line between whom they are and who they pretend to be. Worse still was that this argument appeared to be about so much more than Sam’s odd taste in bed partners, but the girls were still confident that it would follow the same pattern… at least they hoped it would or the consequences for the entire set were not worth even considering.

“No you didn’t, you turned to her because I wasn’t there to bust your balls, so you let Ruby lead you around by them instead. You fell for a demon and look how well that turned out.” There was no way Jensen was going to let Jared turn this into a lovers spat. This should be business not personal. Business was all about the show, personal was Jared telling him the house was on fire. No this little quarrel was most definitely business.

“And your moment in the back seat of the Impala was what? An attempt at sainthood?” If all business is what Jensen wanted, all business he shall get!

“Anna was a virgin,” Jensen announced reverently as if that made all the difference in the world.

Jared rolled his eyes, “And taking an innocent girl’s virginity in the back seat of a car is supposed to help your case!” He couldn’t believe the pure stupidity coming from Jensen’s mouth.

“At least I won’t end up in hell for bedding the Bride of Satan.”

“Well as they say ‘better the devil you know than the angel you don’t’…of course some of us know angels a little too well.” Jared bit back jealously, as the thought of what Castiel and Dean get up to when he was off with Ruby. If Dean was willing to take angelic virginity why not screw him too?

“What a load of crap, ‘a man does not have to do an angel in order to be saint’…” See I know crappy sayings just as well as him, thought Jensen.

“Isn’t that ‘a man does not have to be an angel in order to be saint’.”

“You just made that up.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Boys!” The girls shouted in unison, barely audible over the two ‘men.’ They had no idea what had gotten into them this morning but it was clear that the kiss and make up part was not going to happen anytime soon. They finally stepped in hoping to defuse the spat long enough to get the boys made up in both face and friendship and out of their hair.

Jared and Jensen paused looking at the two women who were holding their brushes and eyeliners like weapons. They may look small but one wrong move could have consequences that didn’t bear thinking about. The girls had clearly had enough and so had Jared, Jensen had been pushing his buttons non-stop since dawn.

He stood looking at Jensen, hands raised in defeat; the only thing missing was a white flag. “Enough, okay? Let it go. You’re tired, I’m tired. I need coffee and…”

“…an exorcism.” Jensen didn’t care if that meant eyeliner to the jugular by a pint sized make-up artist; he was willing to take the risk if it meant he had his say.

Jared eyes grew wide, “Actually it’s more like a stiff drink! And before you even consider it, you are so not going to try that shit on Ruby,” he warned. The metaphorical white flag had just been set alight stomped on and very much destroyed beyond recognition.

“Who me?” asked Jensen in his best ‘I’m an innocent little boy’ voice. Complete with batting eyelids. Which Jared couldn’t help but think looked more like a couple bees had just stung Jensen’s eyeballs…cute was so not his thing.

“Yes you Mr ‘I’m the World’s Greatest Hunter.’ Jared said exaggerating the bravado in his voice, which Jensen couldn’t help but think sounded more a hobo begging for pocket money…manly was so not his thing.

The women looked at each other, silently communicating the question of whether they should get involved. As intimidating as their make-up could be, they weren’t entirely ready to waste it by trying to separate the boys. They had hoped that a truce could be brokered so that they could all to get on with their jobs but it looked like any peace no matter how fragile was still a fair way off.

“Oh that’s rich coming from Lucifer’s right hand man.”

“What? No!” Jared was appalled by the statement. “If you wore your glasses more you’d see that I’m on your side. We’re simply coming at the Apocalypse from two different angles.” However, the reality was that from Jared’s perspective the difference in angles was more the difference in IQ between him and his co-star. Jared’s IQ was right up there. As we all know he had been selected as a candidate for the 2000 Presidential Scholars Program, while Jensen, had been a cheerleader at the same age. So today’s argument was a clear case of Einstein versus the knuckle dragger.

Like all arguments it doesn’t take long for others to be dragged into the mire and for the girls that point was reached when Shannon whispered to Jeannie, “he wears glasses?”

Jeannie stared at her co-worker and saw the all too familiar ‘lights on but nobody home’ look in her colleague’s eyes. “No, he just paints circles around his eyes and lines to his ears for shits and giggles but I got to tell ya it makes my job hard,” she replied sarcastically.

Normally Shannon’s blonde moments were easily brushed off but with the boys acting like three year olds it had caused them all to run behind time and the blond moment was the cherry on top of a very frustrating cake.

“Wow, did we wake-up on the wrong side of the bed? Maybe it was just the wrong bed…again” Shannon knew she had her moments and ignored her friend’s snide comments but today was not the day and there was no way she was going to let this one slide.

Jeannie turned to Shannon clutching her eyeliner “Did you just call me a slut?”

“No of course not but here’s an anagram for you sweetie ‘LUST!’” Shannon barely got the words out before Jeannie’s hands were in her hair. They fell to the ground in a heap, arms and legs flaying, the fight at the other end of the trailer was now all but forgotten as buttons and brushes flew in every direction.

The boys were too preoccupied with their own issues to notice the full on cat fight at the other end of the trailer as Jensen calmly informed Jared, “No you’re trying to start the Apocalypse and I have to stop you. You are the Anti-Christ and I am…”

“Fucked in the head,” snarled Jared as he hoisted Jensen from the chair and thrust him against the wall.

Jensen was left with no choice but to retaliate and so it was on in earnest as they vied for dominance in the narrow confines of the make-up trailer.

Suddenly the door to the trailer swung open and Gary strode in with a young man in tow. The scene before him was one of utter mayhem. Bodies flying left and right, what looked like blood, although he hoped it was fake blood, was splattered on the mirrors, debris everywhere. All that was missing was the sound of an air raid alert and he could have done with the warning, but that’s the nature of war he thought before he decided that he should put an end to all this.

“What you all do? Why you not ready?” He yelled at the boys. “Why they not ready?” He shouted at the girls who were still rolling around on the floor. “Get up. You late,” he informed all of them. “You fight you make everyone late,” he chastised Jared and Jensen. “Now you make boy late. You waste time, Krippe lose money. Krippe get mad. Krippe keep boy, fire you. I back later to watch sacking.” He thrust the young man into the trailer. “Treat like brother,” he ordered Jared and Jensen as he slammed the door shut.

The faint sounds of the Brady Bunch theme drifted past the trailer before it suddenly stopped with a crash, followed by the muffled sound of Gary screaming, “You sound guy not DJ. Leave now or Krippe find out. Krippe find out; you dead. You dead; no sound. No sound; no show. No show; me no job! Me not happy. I bring you back to kill again! This Supernatural you know.”

The five stood staring at each other as tension filled the room. The poor kid was waiting for someone to say something, anything to break the deafening silence. The girls staggered to their feet and tried to look calm and happy for the newcomer but it was less than reassuring considering their appearance.

The young man stood in the middle of the trailer, the disheveled men on one side and the women who each looked like Aunt Flo was well on her way for a visit on the other. He cautiously looked between the two parties, taking note that there was only one way in and one way out. He realized he had only two options either get caught in the crossfire that was sure to happen, or speak up in hope that it would defuse whatever was going on. He decided on the latter.

“Were you guys fighting?” he asked the girls in amazement.

“Us? Don’t be silly,” Shannon replied as she wiped eyeliner off her face with one hand and tried to pull her torn blouse together with the other.

“It looked like you were…” They’re up to something that’s for sure, he thought.

“Well we weren’t,” replied Jeannie through gritted teeth as she tried and failed to extract a hair brush from her hair.

“Oh,” he nodded as if he wasn’t sure what to do or say now, but curiosity got the better of him as he turned his attentions to Jared and Jensen. “Looks like you guys are having a fight,” he stated as he looked at the very tall imposing figure of Jared looming over Jensen who appeared as if he had been thrown into a chair and was now cowering away as the other man leaned over him.

Daring him to admit it, Jeannie asked Jared with a smirk on her face that would rival the yellow-eyed demon’s, “Yes Jared, did you and Jensen have a fight?”

Jared looked at her and she automatically took a step back out of his reach. Then he turned his gaze to the boy. This kid can’t be that thick surely? Of course we had a fight, he shook his head in amazement. He felt like saying ‘no we weren’t fighting. This is our unique mating style. I perform and he eats me after sex.’Instead he coolly asked, “Why would you think we’ve had a fight?”

“Uhm, I guess you seem kind of irritated.” And beaten up, weathered, pissed off…I’m young not dumb you beanpole, he thought.

Jared stood to his full height and glared down at the boy but before things deteriorated again Shannon stepped in, “Method acting, right boys?” It would seem Shannon could do a pretty good impression of the yellow-eyed demon too; it was an ‘agree with her or burn for all eternity’ moment.

“Sure, absolutely,” they both muttered but the boy didn’t believe them, or the girls for that matter. After all, when he came in the two women were rolling around the floor and Jared looked like he was going to beat the crap out of Jensen.

“Method acting?” Asked the kid, disbelief evident in his voice.

“They do that a lot here. Stay in character. We were just helping rehearse a scene. It helps the boys…you know keep on top of…stuff,” Jeannie offered by way of explanation as she grabbed a pair of scissors and cut her hair to remove the brush.

“Look sweetie why don’t you just wait there and we will be ready for you in a minute,” offered Shannon. She then turned an icy stare to the boys, “Enough rehearsing. Jared sit down. You boys are late and we all have work to do.”

Jared opened his mouth to protest, however the look he got in response made him rethink that decision. Not wanting to back down that easy, he settled with just pouting like a two year old and giving Jensen one last death stare before returning to his side of the trailer.

Jensen smiled smugly; he wasn’t game enough to say another word but it was clear that he had won that round, at least in his mind anyway.

Silence reigned supreme until the newcomer extended his hand to anyone willing to shake it, “Hi I’m…”

“Jensen, Jared.” Jensen cut off the introduction. He wasn’t being rude even if he was in a foul mood. It’s just that he always felt sorry for the victim of the week. They came and went on a monotonous basis and there no use getting attached to any of them because very few survived for a repeat performance. So Jensen had this built in self protection mechanism that meant he was civil without being welcoming. This kid was just another actor who would pass through on his way to fame and fortune somewhere beyond Vancouver and the CW network.

“Hi,” Jared added by way of introduction but he said nothing else. Unlike Jensen Jared usually embraced the guest actors but after this morning’s debacle it was every man for himself and chances are the kid would be dead by lunch time and someone else would be shoved through the door for their ten seconds of fame.

“Won’t be long sweetie, we’ll get to you in a minute,” Shannon informed the young man as she hurriedly wiped the ‘blood’ from the mirrors. “The boys here are running a teeny, weenie bit late today. So we’ll just get them all prettied up and then it’s your turn. What’s your name honey?” As Shannon spoke Jeannie stared in amazement as her co-worker had gone from banshee to ‘tickle me’ Elmo in a matter of seconds.

“Jake,” replied the wide-eyed boy. Mere minutes ago the woman had looked like the latest monster of the week and now she was all care-bear. It was disturbing and based on the look on everyone else’s face; he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

“Oh wow, another ‘J.’” laughed Jeannie. “I think Eric employs people because he likes the letter J. Let’s see we have Jensen and Jared and Jim and Jeffrey and…”

“…Misha,” Shannon added with a roll of her eyes.

Jeannie glared but quickly let the subject drop, finished off Jensen’s make-up, evicted him from the chair and dragged the nervous boy into it. “You go!” she ordered Jensen, “You’re late for costume and you” she said as she smiled at the boy “…welcome to the family.”

Jake sat scared and confused. He was starting to think ‘Supernatural’ was more than fiction. In the few minutes he had been here, he’d seen the girls switch personalities more times than he was willing to count. For precaution’s sake he started trying to remember what little he had seen of the show in the hope that he could defend himself once left alone.

Meanwhile at the other end of the trailer, Shannon quickly finished fixing Jared’s make-up and stared at Jake, “We’ll if I didn’t know better I’d say you’re Jared and Jensen’s love child. Jeannie we’ll have to start calling the boys ‘J’ cubed instead of ‘J’ squared.” She laughed trying her best not to look as angry as she still felt over how crappy her morning had been.

Jensen’s eyes shot up, Jared snorted an ‘as if’ and Jake blushed as the girls continued to chirp about family resemblance and how cute he was.

Jensen had been hovering; he wasn’t quite sure why because he sure as hell didn’t want to talk to Jared, but as he watched the girls almost smother Jake he sort of wanted to rescue him before they ate him alive. On the other hand he figured it was hormonal on the girls’ part and their attentions would wane when his character met its demise like all fireflies ultimately do. They appear, they shine and they’re forgotten after a week.

As Jensen paced, trying to decide whether to stay or go, he wondered where the P.A.s had got to. Usually by now they were running around ushering the boys from place to place, of course this morning nothing was going right so he didn’t think too much of it. Little did he know somewhere between hair pulling, name calling and brush fights the P.As had received word that J squared were in a bad mood and that they had decided to avoid the fall out for as long as possible.

“Just look at you…” squealed Jeannie as she began to make-up Jake.

Finally Jensen couldn’t take the twittering any longer and happily escaped the confines of the make-up trailer for the relative calm of costume. Diane the wardrobe lady was a little quirky. She only wore black, adorned herself with bangles, baubles and beads and was a true ‘the sixties were good to her’ sort of person but he liked her because she didn’t talk him to death or squeal like a fan girl in heat. Costume fittings were usually a quick event and if he was lucky he would get in and out of there before Jared turned up. Then he could hide out in his trailer until summoned to the set. He hoped today would improve, so far it wasn’t looking good but as long as no-one went near him, for a little while at least and he grabbed himself a very large coffee then all would be well.

The problem was, he just wasn’t a morning person which was odd considering that he had chosen a profession that demanded you be at work before the sun came up. Still, he always managed as long as he had his coffee but this morning, thanks to Jared’s little prank that didn’t happen. Not only was the routine out the window but one lousy prank caused the rest of the day to disintegrate and that left him growling at the crew, snarling at the guest actors, and warring with Jared. He could have put an end to it in the car but he just couldn’t control the urge to provoke Jared. He just couldn’t let it go because Jared always made him feel like a dumb ass cheerleader with a uniform size higher than his IQ. Jared may have started all this crap but Jensen wasn’t prepared to finish it…yet.

Back at make-up Jared was ushered out the door of the trailer with a “You’re late.” He had just enough time to yell “see ya later bro,” before the door was unceremoniously closed and he was left on the step of the trailer with an arm still raised in a half wave.

Inside the trailer Jake was having an anxiety attack. “He said bro. He likes me. That means he likes me, right? Oh…my…god, I’m accepted. I’m one of them now? I’m in! I’m a Winchester,” he exclaimed.

“You just continue being the sweet little thing that you are and everything will be all right,” assured Shannon as she shot a quick glance to Jeannie daring her to argue the point. Jeannie gave her a tiny shrug in reply and for the first time since the boys had entered the trailer the girls were in agreement because neither of them was sure Jared and Jensen even realized that the script had changed so much. So unfortunately for poor Jake the chances of the older men embracing each other today were minimal, let alone accepting him as their new brother.

************************************

 

Jared sauntered over to costume relieved to be free of both the tension in the make-up trailer and Jensen. He desperately needed a coffee and food, plus all this fighting made him edgy and that wasn’t like him at all. Yes Jared had started it this morning but Jensen was just being a jerk. It’s not like Jared’s morning had been all sunshine and lollipops so where did Jensen get off thinking he was the only one having a bad day. It was so typical of Jensen always preening around ‘I need coffee, I hate mornings, don’t wear that shirt and those shoes and that top and...Jared sometimes felt like he was playing ‘Will’ to Jensen’s ‘Grace’.

When Jared opened the door to the costume trailer he was immediately overcome by a cloud of…“Jeez Di you smoking weed again?” He coughed violently as he waved the smoke from his face.

“Jared you know I don’t do that stuff. I’m simply trying to bring harmony to my world by chasing away…”

“Jensen’s gone then?” Jared interrupted in a whispered voice, because he really couldn’t see a thing through the haze.

“Oh yes,” she replied emphatically.

Diane had taken one look at Jensen as he rummaged through the neatly hung costumes, assessed his mood in a heartbeat and told him he was more than appropriately attired and to come back when they changed scenes, hopefully by then his mood would’ve improved and she could cope better with him. He had grunted and stormed off to get a coffee or three and left her burning a bucket full of incense to clear away the bad energy that had strutted in with Mister Grumpy.

Jared coughed again as he was overpowered by the sheer volume of smoke. “Was he in a…mood?” he hesitantly asked.

It was like the flood gates opened as Diane began her diatribe, “Have a look around, what do you think?”

Jared looked at the disarray in the normally immaculate costume trailer and shuddered. Whatever had gone on in here definitely wasn’t pretty.

“What in the world is wrong with that boy today? He’s normally so sweet but he came in here like a hurricane. The only reason he isn’t here now is because he needed to have that ‘just woke up. I slept in my clothes, rumpled look’ and wow did he fit the bill. He looked terrible. Jared what did you do to him?”

“Me? Why would it have been me? Why does everyone blame me when he goes crazy?” That kid was all kinds of crazy before I got to him…this is the sane version thought Jared smirking at his thoughts.

Oblivious to Jared’s conversation with me, myself and I, Diane continued her rant “Well let’s see... you two spend twenty four hours a day, seven days a week together, so you are the logical choice when things go wrong. Besides he only goes that way when you doooooooooo something to him.” And then realized what had happened. “Jared? Did you play a joke on him again?” She eyed him suspiciously daring him to prove her wrong.

“No,” he replied as he shrugged, faux innocence oozing from every pore as he stared at his feet.

Diane wanted the truth and she wanted it now. “Jared?” She demanded.

Jared wondered if it would simply be best for all concerned if he just turned and ran and kept running until he reached Texas. He had already been through enough in make-up and now Di was at him too and it took all his energy not to burst into tears.

“Jeez Di, he hates to get up in the morning. I have to wake him up every day before I take the dogs for a run and even then he still manages to be racing around the house in a flurry. I woke him today but didn’t wait around to make sure he got up. He must have fallen back to sleep.”

“Why doesn’t he use an alarm clock like normal people?”

“He tends to throw them at walls rather than turn them off. At one stage I was going out weekly and buying seven at time. Then I figured it would be less hassle if I woke him. Saved having to buy clocks, or repair the wall and it seemed to be a good system except…”

“Sometimes you don’t feel like playing nursemaid and you want him to be a grown up too?”

Diane was right and that was essentially what had happened this morning. They had had a late night and Jared didn’t want to get up either but the dogs needed a run so he dragged his sorry ass out of bed and half heartedly shook Jensen to wake him. Jared didn’t stick around to see if his lover actually got up and as luck would have it the run didn’t turn out the way he had planned and it all went downhill from there. It was just one of those days where Jared wanted Jensen to take responsibility for his own life but Jensen didn’t know the game plan had changed so he had still relied on Jared to push him along and that had failed miserably for all concerned.

“Anyway, there was a small problem on the run and I was late getting home and Jensen wasn’t even awake let alone out of bed. So...I sort of told him…the house was on fire?” Jared admitted sheepishly. Now that he had said it out loud he realized how mean he had been to do that to the man he professed to love. Still he had to admit it was a little funny…

“Jared!” She admonished. “You probably scared him half to death. There’s every chance that he thought you were caught in the flames and the puppies had become hot dogs. Then he finds out it’s a prank and I bet you shoved him out the door without a coffee didn’t you?”

“Well I haven’t had one either,” pouted Jared.

“But you cope, he doesn’t. What do you think he’s doing right now?” Flashes of every Godzilla movie ever released went through Diane’s brain.

“Getting a coffee?” Suggested Jared hoping she wouldn’t yell at him again.

“Yes getting a coffee Jared. Do you realize what you have done? I can only guess at how many lives will be irrevocably destroyed on his way to craft services. Jared there will be countless transcending souls if you don’t help him through this.” As she spoke, Diane was already dialing craft services in the hope that she could get a warning to them in time.

“Huh?” Jared was confused by the hippie speak.

“He’s pissed off Jared and he’ll chew out any bastard that gets in his way. So fix it young man, Lord knows none of us like being here at sparrow’s fart but at least when he has had a coffee he is as tame as a pussy cat…”

Jared thought about the cat he had rescued this morning and tame wasn’t a word that came to mind. As his mind was now occupied with pussies…go figure, Diane finally managed to get someone to answer the phone.

 

 

**“Sally its Di. We have a code red…no it’s not a drill. Ackles is without caffeine.”**

**CODE RED: ACKLES ALERT**  

 

Di paused a moment staring at Jared. “Yep, he pulled another prank on him. You heard right honey, no coffee and fighting with lover boy. No worries just get as many out of there as you can and then save yourself.” She unceremoniously hung up before pointing the finger of blame in Jared’s direction. “You my friend have unleashed the eye of the tiger. So go find him and calm him down. Give him a cuddle, say you’re sorry and get a funnel and fill him up with coffee or else Sam will be wearing rainbow shirts and cut off shorts for the rest of the season. I will not hesitate to turn your character into a Mardi Gras poster boy,” she warned.

Jared’s eyes grew wide at the unveiled threat. “Okay I promise but ah, what do I wear today?”

“Haven’t read the script changes have you?

Jared shook his head. This was just what he needed now, to be chastised by a pot smoking, flower child who counts clouds when she isn’t dressing up, or down, the actors. What he wanted to say to her but didn’t was: Of course I haven’t read it. You can’t possibly read it while wrestling on the back seat of a vehicle being driven at a hundred miles an hour by a psychotic four foot six Asian taxi driver who was born in Ireland, educated in Germany, worked in Argentina and emigrated to Canada and who sits on a cushion to see out the frigging windscreen. I risk my life in my hands every time I set foot near that car. So no Di I haven’t read the damn script but instead he merely shrugged and sighed as his day took another bad turn.

“You do know the script has been almost totally rewritten, right? God Jared!, there’s no way you can wing it, you have to learn your lines and if you don’t, by the end of the day your balls will be decorating Kripke’s office.”

Jared winced at the mental picture. He wasn’t sure which was worse; the idea of his balls being cut off or the idea of Kripke playing with his detached junk in his office. “I could just run away?” He offered, airing his previous thoughts of fleeing south.

“You can run Jared but you can’t hide. Kripke will just send the hell hounds after you. Face it young man, you have a job to do and you’re going to do it. Now the script…Scene 1 Sam is brushing his teeth by a river after having slept in the Impala.”

“I thought Sam was supposed to be eating breakfast in a diner…”

“Jared focus! The script is hardly recognizable compared to what you were given a week ago. It’s all changed. Look read the script changes and as for your costume, you fit the part just fine. Come back later and I will dress you for the later scenes. And for heaven’s sake make sure Jensen checks the script changes too or we’ll all pay and don’t you dare let him back in here unless he is in a good mood or you know what will happen to you.” She yelled as she waved a coat hanger in his general direction.

Reflexively his hands went up as he backed towards the door. “I promise,” he swore as he stumbled out of the trailer and straight into Gary and Jake.

“I tole you. Look after boy like brother,” the little man yelled. “You leave brother to Thelma and Louise. They crazy. Boy lucky to escape.” Gary grabbed Jake and thrust him into Jared’s arms. “I tole you for last time take care of boy,” Gary yelled at Jared, before charging off in search of the sound guy who clearly didn’t get the message the first time as the strains of I Will Always Love You filled the air.

Confused by the little Asian guy throwing him around all morning and the trauma of the make-up trailer, Jake clung to Jared like a life line.

“You cold?” Jared asked the younger man shivering in his arms, as Whitney Houston belted out the chorus nearby.

“Not now,” Jake replied. Maybe this gig wouldn’t be so bad after all he thought as he settled into the warm embrace; the music, the cold and Jared’s comforting bear hug had made this morning worthwhile.

It dawned on Jared that his private life may be less so if Jake had overheard his conversation inside the costume trailer. “Ah, so how long have you been standing here?” He asked.

“Uhm…I don’t know, not long. I heard something about rainbow shirts and cut off shorts and I heard the part about Kripke having your balls on his wall and sending hell hounds after you. Kripke sounds scary!”

“He’s one evil son-of-a-bitch when he wants to be,” Jared muttered as he remembered what went on last time he played a trick on Jensen.

Jake was starting to think the week-to-week demons were based on the crew. “The costume lady sounds scary too. …she always yell like that?”

Jared laughed, “Nah she’s just crazy.”

“And she’s crazy today?”

“More like mad but…”

Just then the door to the trailer swung open and Diane, surrounded by a mushroom cloud of incense, stared down at the two men.

“Jared!” she roared. “What the hell are you doing?” She couldn’t believe her eyes; cheating was not high on her list of ways to get your lover in a better mood. Not only was Jared canoodling with the new kid, he was doing so with theme music. It was like a flashback to every bad school dance she had ever been to.

Apparently her wrath had affected more than just the boys’ romantic interlude, as Frank went sailing past, leads flapping behind him and Gary hot on his heels. Normally life was subdued on the lot at such an early hour but Diane’s scream, teamed with the kung fu moves and sound effects that Gary was trying to apply to Frank, had startled several of the crew as they turned to see what all the fuss about.

Jared suddenly realized how it must look and stepped away from Jake, “Di, I can explain, honest I can. Gary said to look after him and he was cold, sort of…” Well I was cold, he thought innocently. He looked to Jake for help but the boy was wide-eyed with terror and staring up at Diane.

“Goooooooooooooooooo!,” she bellowed. “Make it right.” Jared nodded, he got the message loud and clear. Flashes of Sam kicking Lilith’s ass wearing satin and sequins made him suddenly very afraid for his future. He placed a comforting hand on Jake’s shoulder and then bolted away. The fact that Gary may hunt him down for deserting Jake didn’t cross his mind; because between Jensen, Di and the make-up girls his life was already down the toilet, making Gary a small fish in an ever expanding pond. What he did regret was leaving Jake to an uncertain fate and he hoped the kid was strong enough to survive it.

Jake watched Jared scamper away and suddenly felt very vulnerable. When he found out he had the role of Adam he was so excited. ‘THIS IS A VERY IMPRESSIVE ACTING ROLE FOR A YOUNG MAN’ the audition notes had stated. Yeah right! It was like a flashing neon sign luring him in until now he couldn’t escape. He never actually thought that Supernatural referred to anything more than the show title. If he had known the place was actually full of banshees, witches and other weird people/things/beings he would have turned the role down. But now he was about to become a fly snack for the black widow spider and it scared him to death.

Diane looked Jake up and down and coaxed him with a beckoning finger, “Come little one, come in, come in,” as she floated back through the cloud of what Jake prayed was incense, inside the trailer.

Jake looked around him hoping for rescue and in the end entered the trailer mentally reciting every part of the bible he could remember, though he seriously doubted the loaves and fishes would do the trick. He just hoped, against hope that he would survive the experience.

************************************

 

Jensen walked around the set with an aura that said ‘talk to me and you die.’ When people saw Jensen stomping towards the food tent most of them knew that he was in a bad mood. The word had spread that the Js were having a fight but when Jared was caught with his arms around the new boy everyone assumed that Jensen’s mood had hit rock bottom. Consequently it was like the parting of the Red Sea as hordes of people surged left and right to get out of Jensen’s way in case they became collateral damage in what was turning out to be anything but a routine day on the Supernatural set.

Yes Jensen was in a crappy mood but not for the reason people thought. When Diane had screamed blue murder earlier, Jensen, like many others, had turned round to see what all the fuss was about. When he saw Jared and Jake, yes it raised his hackles initially but then logic took over and while others might have been appalled that Jared had so blatantly displayed his affections for the kid, Jensen seriously doubted his lover was gearing up for a dump and run. Jared is a ‘huggy’ sort of guy after all; he just gets touchy feely and that is a long way from screwing the kid blind. No Jared didn’t bother him in that way at least, what did was the constant whispering as he walked by or the occasional hand on heart and teary eye as if something more than a missed coffee was causing his mood. So with head bowed he forged onwards hoping to get a coffee so he could cope better with the maudlin crowd expecting a public breakup with Jared.

So not going to happen but if I don’t get a coffee they might be treated to a tantrum or two, he thought as he forged ahead with Mission ‘Morning Coffee’.

Sally had warned as many as she could after receiving the call from costume but sadly it didn’t come soon enough and for those left inside the tent there was no escape. It didn’t bode well for those trapped inside when Jensen tripped over a lighting cable just as he entered the tent.

“Hey buddy didn’t you see the sign?” A guy called on top of a nearby ladder.

“What sign?” muttered Jensen angrily as stood up and dusted himself off.

“The one that said Watch Your Step,” The man replied sarcastically.

Jensen stood up and faced the man who was now standing in front of him and with a dawning horror recognized him as the lighting guy that had set in motion the whole damn thing two years ago. “You!” He hissed. “I thought you were …”

“…shown the door?” The guy offered with a smirk. “Not exactly. By the way, we’ve never actually met. I’m Greg and you’re Jensen,” he stated arrogantly before extending his hand.

I think I can remember who I am, you egotistical ass, Jensen thought before warily shaking the man’s hand. “So you’re working with us again?” He did not even try to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Hey I wasn’t blacklisted or anything.”

But Jensen heard the unsaid no thanks to you as the grip on his hand became vice-like and he knew instantly that this day was going to get worse before it got better.

Greg glared at Jensen one last time before releasing his hand.

“Look you and I had a professional difference of opinion and I lost because you’re the star. No hard feelings but yes I’m baaaccckkk as they say in the movies. After last time doing this gig, I did find other employment so it’s not like I was on the streets or anything. Anyway after the Writer’s Strike a spot opened up back here because some of the guys had found work elsewhere. So here I am.” Greg said as he patted Jensen vigorously on the shoulder.

Jensen flinched and clenched his fists as he tried to take himself into that happy place where the coffee was on tap and this guy wasn’t in his personal space.

“So you’ve been here all season?” Jensen was horrified to think that he had been working with the ground zero of his earlier problems and he hadn’t even realized.

“Usually freelance for the second unit, so our paths don’t cross but as luck would have it Kripke needs me here today.”

“Great. So what are you doing in here?” Jensen asked, because the food tent was so not the film set.

“Sally, you know Sally right, she looks after the catering, well she wanted more light over the food or something. Was almost done here, until you pulled the cord out when you fell.” Greg snidely informed him, as he knelt down and made plugging in the cord look harder than it actually is just to annoy Jensen.

“Well if the sign had been near where you were working maybe I wouldn’t have tripped.” Jensen was in no mood for showmanship and this guy was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“If you had looked where you going maybe you would have seen the sign,” Greg stated as he stood toe to toe and nose to nose, well nose to chest with Jensen.

Any other time Jensen would have laughed that his nemesis was arguing with his nipples but not today. There was something that he needed and this moron was slowing him down.

“Enough!” Shouted Jensen his hands raised to indicate the discussion was well and truly over. “We are not doing this again. You do your job and I’ll do mine and maybe we can get through the day unscathed.”

“Trust me I do my job…”

Greg’s words were cut short as Frank couldn’t resist booming out the sounds of Nine to Five as he sat staring off into the distance from a nearby table inside the tent, a huge grin on his face.

“No more. Look I just came here for a coffee,” growled Jensen before making a bee line to the drinks table pausing briefly to hit stop on the ridiculous music, to which Frank just stared off into space still smiling…the guy was weird and Jensen had had enough weirdos for one morning.

“If you’re after coffee then you’d better hurry there wasn’t much left and Sally said it would take thirty minutes to get more on.” Greg yelled after him, a somewhat evil grin on his face.

Jensen stopped and swung around “Thirty minutes?” He screamed in abject horror. Bad enough that the crew thought his lover was screwing the victim of the week but no coffee was worse than the infidelity and the Apocalypse combined.

“I had to briefly turn off power and its put her behind on getting more coffee made. Look if you hurry there might be a cup left in the pot. Can’t say how hot it will be though.”

Jensen was never one for ‘to do’ lists but today it would seem he had a mental one building rapidly:

1) Coffee!  
2) More coffee!  
3) Kill lighting idiot.  
4) Deal with boyfriend with no brain.  
5) If all else fails get a job at Starbucks where there are no annoying lovers or lighting idiots and an endless supply of COFFEE!

Jensen resisted the urge to punch Greg at this point in time because he figured he would feel better doing so with some caffeine pumping through his veins. “You’re lucky coffee is the first thing on my ‘to do’ list,” he told the man. “That gives you time to run…if you’re smart,” Jensen stated, his anger barely contained.

Greg simply gave a smug half smile and continued his difficult task of plugging in the cable unaware that Jensen wasn’t joking.

*************************************

 

“It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault,” Jared mumbled over and over as he weaved his way around the lot to the food tent. By now it was around 6.30am and normal people were still in bed but no, his life was far more exciting than that. Not only had he exercised this morning but he had rescued a feral feline, told Jensen their home was on fire, physically wrestled his lover in the car and not in the good way, was part of a cat fight in make-up, stoned by the weed in costume and harassed by a multi-national leprechaun. Then he’s caught supposedly canoodling with a guest star.

Jared had only been up for two hours and look what he had achieved and he still hadn’t had breakfast or a coffee. Not that that matters to anyone because they are all petrified that since Jensen was without coffee then he would be out of his tree, off his face or just plain loopy which apparently was a more terrifying prospect than a Padalecki without a plate of food. Bad enough that the gossip mill had just gone into hyper-drive over hugging the kid but he was also expected to fix everything that was wrong with Jensen, which will be near on impossible especially if Jensen had heard about him and Jake or worse saw it.

By now Jared had worked himself into a mood and despite his promises to Diane, he was smarting that he was the one that had to mend things with Jensen.Why do I have to fix it? He’s the one who slept in. He always sleeps in. I’m so not my brother’s keeper. Screw them and screw Jensen and if he actually believes any rumors about Jake and me then he is a bigger idiot than I already think he is. Bottom line if I have to live with his moods so do they, he decided as he stormed to craft services.

The first sign of real trouble came as Jared neared the craft services tent. The distinctive sound of furniture being overturned and thrown preceded the stream of people that flooded out of it, the sounds of Jaws echoing behind them.

Frank really needs to find something better to do with his day, thought Jared although he couldn’t help but think the choice of tune was very appropriate.

A guy carrying cables went past looking relatively calm, considering the pandemonium around him. He commented that Jensen was skulking in the tent.

What’s a skulking Jensen like? Jared wondered and then he remembered how bizarre Jensen had been outside his door two years ago after the last big prank. He had been crazy in a way that made Ozzy Osbourne seem perfectly sane and that was saying something.

One of the P.A.’s passed by helping a set design girl who was sobbing hysterically about ‘it was only coffee.’ The girl lifted a tear stained face and with a voice choked with emotion asked, “Why didn’t you let him have a coffee this morning? Why Jared? Why?”

“I…” but she was gone before Jared could explain.

Betty, a junior writer, stormed passed him muttering “Saved by angels my ass, he’s going back to hell and the Wookiee’s going with him.”

Heinrich, the chief cook, grabbed Jared’s arm and half begging, half ordering screamed at him, “Des schwarzer tag, ze black day Jarard! You vant frankfurt…no frankfurt ‘til Jensen better, if youz know vhat I mean. Soz makez him better pleaze. Vun last thing, don’t mention ze coffee!”

Whoa! thought Jared. Things had obviously spiraled way out of control as he suddenly stopped and found himself surrounded by a circle of hostile crew yelling, crying and whining about how feral Jensen was and that it was “…all Jared’s fault”. Not only had Jared deprived Jensen of caffeine but he had begun an affair right under his boyfriend’s nose. Person after person told him he had better fix it before God, (insert he who owns everything Supernatural), the almighty Eric Kripke, heard about it and, and everyone else’s, balls would be used for decorations. It was at that point that Jared began to wonder what memo he must have missed on Kripke’s fascination with decorative genitalia.

In the end Jared shouted the crowd down. He tried his best to explain the ‘Jake incident’ and assured them that Jensen simply missed out on coffee because he slept in and all would be fine once he had a cup of the stuff or two or three cups…or whatever it fucking takes, he thought. Secretly though he planned to pin his co-star to the nearest wall and suck him dry. Maybe then Jensen’s mind would be on something other than caffeine and revenge.

He raced into the craft services tent just in time to see Genevieve skip over to the coffee table, nudge Jensen out of the way and pour the last of the coffee into her cup.

“Nooooooooooooooo….” Jared screamed as he realized the fate of the free world depended on him getting that cup of coffee. He leapt towards Genevieve arm outstretched in a futile attempt to stave off the disaster that he was sure would come if he failed

“Mumble,” she chirped at Jensen, oblivious to the fact that her six foot four co-star just went sailing past her head doing a poor imitation of Chuck Norris in a gun fight (sadly though, Chuck Norris wouldn’t have missed) and landed in a heap on the ground!

Jensen ignored Jared, stepping over him, so that he was now toe to toe with Genevieve and in a voice that should have alerted her to impending peril, coolly asked, “I’m sorry but what did you say?”

“Mummblemumble.” One could only assume she was attempting to form words but her frozen lips made that quite impossible. Nonetheless she giggled at Jensen, blissfully unaware that he had no idea what she had just said.

“Oh forgive me, I hadn’t quiet heard you. Alas but I was distracted by the unyielding flesh on your face.”

“Mmmmm?” She asked clearly confused by his statement and exaggerated upper class accent.

Jensen pursed his lips, a subconscious reminder that his were all natural. “Excuse me but you remind me of what happens when you mix science and science fiction…”

Neither Jensen nor Genevieve noticed Jared as he stood up, dusted off and walked back far enough for a descent run up until he roared, ‘JENSEN’ and flew through the air to tackle his lover to the ground.

“Mumblemumblemumble,” her chatter seemed to go up an octave before she pranced off with the coffee sloshing in her hand.

“What the fuck did she just say?” Screamed Jensen as he looked up to see Genevieve trot out the door oblivious to what had happened. “And why is she here. She isn’t in this episode anyway. How dare she show up like this? Not only is she stealing my coffee but she’s sharing it with the floor.” Jensen stared at the spilt coffee pooling on the wooden floor of the tent and resisted the urge to try and lick it up. Despite the fact that a large man was on top of him pressing his face right next to them, it was torture really. “What they don’t sell coffee in downtown Vancouver. Oh please,” he whined.

Jared sighed as he climbed off Jensen and stood up, “She’s here to do an interview.”

“Who with ‘Animal Kingdom’?” He cried as he too stood up. Although he briefly entertained the idea of staying down since he had been on the floor almost as much as he had been standing. What with being wrestled, tackled and he’d even tripped himself up this morning, he figured it wouldn’t be too long before he was down there again. “Come on Jared admit it, we’ve seen Largemouth bass with a smaller mouth. You imagine what that woman could swallow…”

“Companion TV is on set today Jared announced effectively cutting short Jensen’s tirade. They want to talk to the angels and demons…”

“Shit angels too?” Today was turning out to be a shocker. “Those guys are worse than she is when it comes to coffee. How many times have I tried to get a cup only to be told by Sally that it was divine intervention that I missed out? Kripke was right, they are dicks with wings. That’s it I want a contract that specifically states I get a coffee pot in my trailer,” he grumbled as he pulled out his cell phone and began texting his request to his agent. “Anyway interview or not, I still don’t know what she said and why that gives her the right to steal my coffee?”

Jared proceeded to interpret Genevieve’s words hoping that if Jensen knew what she had said then maybe he would shut up about her. “She said, “oh you boys are so silly. Giggle. Bye, bye. I’ll be in my trailer.’” He did the impersonation complete with hand gestures and Jensen was amazed as he watched the show why neither he, nor the rest of the world, hadn’t pick up earlier that this guy was gay.

Apart from being taken aback by the inner queen that just surfaced, Jensen couldn’t believe Jared actually knew what she was saying. “How in hell can you understand her?”

“It’s not hard Jensen. She does speak English.” Jared watched his hand as he spoke…how did people not get that I was gay? He mused.

“She may speak English but the frozen lips sort of stop the words from forming, so those of us who aren’t connected with the devil cannot understand a fucking word she says. Why did she get the job anyway? What was wrong with Katie?” Apart from the fact I hated her, Jensen spitefully thought.

“You hated Katie,” Jared reminded Jensen.

Smart ass, Jensen thought “Yeah…well, what’s that saying? ‘Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.’ Compared to what we have now, Katie was a saint. I know she lied about drinking under age and told the police it wasn’t her drink, when her friend was pulled over for speeding but we all make mistakes and who doesn’t have a pushy mother?”

Jared pursed his lips and then answered emphatically, “We don’t.” Well I don’t but yours did send you out to model for that catalogue with your ass hanging out of those jeans when you were thirteen. Now that’s a stage Mom if ever I saw one. Talk about the show must go on…

“Jared are you listening to me?” Jensen waved a hand in front of his co-star’s face.

Jared seemed startled but answered with a simple, “Yes Jensen,” as he listened to the continuing rant.

“Okay but just because her mother claimed Katie was Hollywood royalty and suggested the charges should be dropped doesn’t mean that Katie couldn’t play a demon. I would have thought after all that she was eminently qualified for the job, especially since she managed all that as a human. I just don’t get why Kripke got rid of her and replaced her with a chick that looks like she has just been pried off a block of ice.”

“As you well know, Kripke let Katie go because she won the part in Harper’s Island and Genevieve was brought in to revamp the role.”

“Revamp huh? More like put some Botox into it. Seriously though why would Kripke take her with those lips? How did he even know what she said at her audition?”

“She signed the contract before she had the lip plumping, okay.” Jared was growing increasingly annoyed but he was trying to stall long enough to avoid the subject turning to him and Jake or worse, the lack of any more coffee on the lot.

“Well that’s fucking fantastic. I feel sorry for our deaf viewers I hope they have sub-titles on because there is no way anyone could lip read her. Her lips don’t move man. That is freaky shit. And for the love of god pray that no-one pierces her lips or she will buzz off like a popped balloon.”

Jared had tried, really he had. His morning had been just as bad a morning as Jensen’s and right now he was half ready to chase that last coffee down for himself. He was appalled at the seemingly unending drivel that was spewing from Jensen’s mouth and he was done stalling. “I don’t believe you?” He snapped in frustration.

“What’s your problem?” Jensen was taken aback; he hated being interrupted mid rant especially by his snake of a boyfriend.

“As usual it’s you.”

“Me? Wow that’s rich from a guy who woke his lover to tell him their house was on fire and should I even ask what you were doing with the kid?” He wasn’t going to go there, but he had to wonder just how much he should trust a guy who would fake mortal danger just to get in the shower first.

Jared paled as his worst nightmare was unfolding before his eyes. “Jen I swear there’s nothing between us. Gary pushed him into my arms and he was cold and…”

“Gary pushed him into your arms? Really? So Gary is pimping for you now huh? And did Gary tell you to be his bodyguard, complete with a Whitney fucking Houston song track? Nice! And don’t call me Jen you two timing weevil.”

“Don’t you mean weasel?” asked Jared. He cringed because he really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut.

“Take your pick; don’t you ever watch anything other than your own shows! Torchwood you uncultured….WEEVIL,” he explained with an exaggerated sigh. “And since we’re discussing us…it was one fight Jared and before I can take a breath you’re off like a rocket. It’s like your dick is a heat seeking missile hunting down a new willing and unsuspecting partner. How could you Jared? He’s just a boy!” Jensen declared.

“Actually he’s twenty one.” Jared sheepishly stated, as if confirming that Jake was actually older would help his case.

Jensen just glared at his lover. He knew his mouth was on automatic pilot but he didn’t care. Hell he wasn’t even upset to see Jared hugging the boy but Jared didn’t know that; so some secrets were better left for later. What pissed him off was that Jared thought an endearment here or there and a hollow apology could make up for the disaster that was their morning. Well it wasn’t enough. He knew he was being petty but he wasn’t prepared to forgive the big guy just yet. Jared had to work at it and right now he was doing a lousy job of it.

“And you know this how?” Jensen said waiting to see what piss poor answer Jared would come up with to get out of this one.

Jared was caught. “When we read the script the other week it mentioned who the guests were, so I Googled him.”

“You Googled him?” Jensen repeated in amazement.

“Yes Jensen I Googled him. You know we’ve had some pretty interesting people on the show and I would have hated to miss out on meeting other guests like Amber Benson or Dom DeLuise’s daughter-in-law, Anne Marie or his son Peter or Barry Bostwick.”

The thing was Jared often looked up the guest actors. He never bothered to mention it to Jensen because it seemed such a little thing; of course he was rethinking that now. He simply wanted to know who he would be working with each week. They had had some great people guest on their show and it was polite to show he knew who they were and what they had done in the past. It’s not like he was looking for gossip or a replacement for Jensen because let’s face it there was no-one in the world like him and Jared was grateful for that because Jensen was really odd today.

“But you didn’t miss out on meeting them, you acted with them.”

“No, I would have hated to miss out on knowing who they were. Like Amber was from Buffy oh my god Buffy and Anne Marie was in the episode Bugs and Peter was in Jus in Bello wow and they’re related to the great Dom DeLuise from Blazing Saddles and imagine working with Barry Bostwick and not knowing who he was. He has been in EVERYTHING…

“…but a bath,” muttered Jensen.

“What?” Asked Jared and then shook it off to continue fangirling. “It’s exciting to come on set week after week to meet other talented actors and we can learn from them because they share with us their experience of this unique craft every time they walk on the set. It’s just....”

“Exciting…I hear you and for the record you hated the Bugs episode as much as I did.”

“That’s not the point Jensen. I got to talk to them about who they are, and what they do. I didn’t just shake hands and walk away because they weren’t going to be back next episode. Our guest stars illustrate the myth arc. They color in the background. They help us make this show fabtastic…”

“Did you just say ‘fabtastic?’ Okay that’s it. Have you been drinking?’

“NO! Why would you even think that?”

“Oh I don’t know? Maybe it was the fan girl squealing and the purple prose about coloring by numbers that clued me in. God you can spew some touchy feely crap when you put your mind to it.”

Jared pouted and closed his mouth in case he said something else that irritated his already aggravated co-star.

“So back to my original question; you Googled the kid?”

“Yes.”

“It’s bad enough that you attacked the poor boy as soon he set foot on the lot, but did you have to internet stalk him first?”

“Oh please, like you haven’t done it? You Googled me when we first started here. You can barely check your email without help but stalking me was no trouble. We all do it and it’s not stalking it’s about being interested enough to learn from some pretty talented people.” Ok so now was not the time to piss off Jensen any further but he was so not going to let him off the hook for calling him a stalker when he was merely being considerate.

Jensen rolled his eyes, he wasn’t that technologically impaired and Jared knew it. “I didn’t stalk you or jump you the moment I saw you, I just checked you out.” Jared licked his lips at Jensen’s comment and looked him up and down finally finding an in for his first plan of action...sex. “And no, not in that way idiot,” Jensen quickly responded to the familiar horny look in his lover’s eyes. It wasn’t going to work this time. There was no way Jared was getting away with it that easily. “I found out that you were a douche on Gilmore Girls. So since you made the effort to find out what the kid had done is there anything you might like to share today with the rest of the class that you felt you couldn’t mention a week ago?” He asked tapping his foot impatiently.

Jared had simply been trying to make their guests feel welcomed to the show by demonstrating that he wasn’t so full of himself that he couldn’t be interested in someone else’s career but none of that reasoning helped him now. He figured the best course of action was just to give Jensen what he wanted. So Jared cleared his throat and hurriedly said, “Okay his full name is Jacob Allen Abel. He’s twenty two this year and he’s from the Midwest like us…”

“Jared we’re from Texas.”

“So?” Jared scrunched his nose, a ‘tell me something I don’t know’ look in his eyes.

“Texas isn’t part of the Midwest,” Jensen replied smugly. Finally! Maybe now he’ll realize that my IQ is not the same as my shoe size.

Jared thought a moment and was surprised to realize Jensen was right. “Ah, yeah I know that. Anyway he’s from Ohio.” He tried his best to hide his embarrassment, but he wasn’t fooling anyone least of all Jensen.

“Which is quite a distance from Texas,” Jensen pointed out.

“Right. So he’s six one.”

“Just like me. That’s convenient for you isn’t it lover?

Low blow but now that you mention he was the perfect height, thought Jared. “He loves football and basketball.”

“His teams?” Jensen went from boyfriend to game show host in seconds.

“Cleveland Browns and Cleveland Cavaliers.” Jared felt like he was in the fast finger round of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. One wrong answer and you’re out.

“I suppose we can forgive his state loyalty.”

Jared agreed, after all not everyone could come from Texas.

“Anything else?” Jensen was trying and failing to get his head around the fact that Jared got all this from Google. He really ought to check out what Bill Gates and his buddies are showing the world about him.

“He has a brother Shaun and two dogs, Cooper and Maya,” beamed Jared as if he had just been selected for the main game. He just hoped his lifelines weren’t needed because right now his Mom was probably out shopping and the crew would tell him to take a hike.

Jensen pursed his lips, “My, aren’t we the font of all things Jake Abel? You do know that Googling to read about his career is so different to knowing his dogs’ names right? That’s the stalker part Jared.”

“It’s not what you think.” Jared had hoped that somewhere between Jake’s age and pets that he had turned Jensen’s attention away from the cheating that never actually happened but clearly he was deluding himself if he thought that Jensen would let this one go so easily.

“You said that already. So how was the boy? Enjoy the cuddle? You do realize that half the crew saw you? You are now known as the great adulterer. Nice. I like people telling me how miserable I must be feeling and how sorry they are that you have done this to me. It’s right up there with you assuming you know what I’m thinking. So Jared, tell me again why did we ever get together because right now, I’m not feeling the love. In fact it’s very much down the hate side of the spectrum,” Jensen informed him.

That was it; he loved Jensen and was sick of trying to prove it. Lord knows the only love he felt today was from that innocent hug with Jake. His feet were still sore from running around the streets of Vancouver at o’dark thirty. He hadn’t eaten or had a coffee since last night and every man and his dogs were at him about helping Jensen get over his tantrum. But enough was enough. He couldn’t take it anymore. “That’s it. You fight your own battles and fuck the rest of them. They need to walk a mile in my shoes and maybe then someone will consider me in all this.”

Jensen had no idea what Jared was raving on about so he simply retorted with, “Man whore!” It was a simple but effective dig.

“Drama queen!” Jared screamed back.

“Devil child!” Jensen all but spat.

“Angel dust!” Even Jared knew that one made no sense but it was out there now.

“That’s it? That’s the best you have?” Jensen asked amazed that he was winning an argument.

“Jerk!”

“Bitch!”

The boys were so caught up in their own argument that they hadn’t noticed Gary bring Jake into the tent. The little man was holding Jake by the shoulder as if he was afraid the boy would run off if he let go. Of course who wouldn’t, with an aggressive midget dragging you around after him all morning, it was like every terrible dubbed kung fu film there was, let alone the make-up ladies turning on you, costume staff stuck in the sixties and now a co-star who knows everything about you down to your pets’ names.

Jared Googled me? Jake couldn’t quiet fathom why that bothered him but at least Jared had seemed normal when he cuddled him earlier so maybe he wasn’t aFatal Attraction type of stalker, perhaps he was more the Mrs Doubtfire type, minus the drag; less threat but creepy nonetheless.

Jake stood unable to move and too horrified to make a sound. Suddenly to his left he heard the sounds of Heat of the Moment drifting through the devastated tent. He spotted a lone man wearing sunglasses and humming along as he sat at one of the few tables left standing. That in itself was odd and Jake couldn’t help but wonder what had caused the destruction around them because that dude seemed too much in his own world to have trashed the place.

Neither Jared nor Jensen paid any attention to Frank’s latest number, anger seemed to put them into an air tight, sound tight bubble which no one who wished to live dared burst.

“Fine! I’ll be in my trailer. Feel free to get me when World War Three starts because if the opening acts of it are anything like what we’ve just been through, then there’s a show I really don’t want to miss!” Jared announced as he marched away.

“Fine! I didn’t want to spend time with you anyway and I’d better not find you with that kid in the trailer or your ass is toast…I MEAN IT PADALECKI” Jensen shouted at the rapidly receding figure of his potentially ex-lover.

Jensen made his way to his trailer replaying the argument over and over in his head and he agreed with Jared on one important point: the real show was still to come. Jensen now had a lover in a huff, a lighting guy with a target planted firmly on his head, and a bitch with lips that could have swallowed the Titanic to deal with and the day had only just began; shit really does roll downhill!

As the two men marched off in opposite directions, the song continued to resound through the almost empty tent. Jake stiffened when he remembered the last time he heard that song. He hadn’t seen much of the show before accepting the job but one of the few episodes he did see that stuck in his memory was Mystery Spot.

Fear gripped him, not to mention the Jackie Chan wannabe. “Um what day is it?” He asked praying the answer wasn’t what he thought it was. He didn’t normally pay much attention to the days of the week; he just knew where he had to be on a particular day.

“Tuesday” Gary abruptly replied.

Tuesday! He saw the sign on the food counter ‘Tuesday Breakfast: Pig ‘n a Poke.’ It was exactly what Jake had feared. It was Groundhog Day Supernatural style which meant someone was going to die…a lot! He just prayed it wasn’t going to be him. With a sudden burst of adrenaline he wrenched free of Gary’s grip and fled the confines of the tent before death caught up with him too.

Gary watched the boy sprint away. He decided that he would give him a head start and then hunt him down like a dog. Just like Winchesters do, mused Gary.

The little man turned his immediate attention back to Frank. “Hey DJ you scare boy. Make me run after him. Me no like run. I kill you after I find him. That promise. I no break promise.” Gary’s glare at Frank seemed to have no effect on the man, so he huffed and set off in search of Winchester number three.

***********************************

 

 

Mole hills really do turn into mountains; Jared had proof. Today had begun with a minor incident, a molehill and now life seemed like an insurmountable mountain. Murphy’s Law, thought Jared, as he made his way back to his trailer. His frustration grew as he pondered everything that had happened since he and Jensen had become more than just buddies. He couldn’t help but think that history had a way of repeating itself. His little joke two years ago had caused a cascade of events that went from funny to bizarre in the blink of an eye. Of course putting aside the catastrophe that ensued, Jared wasn’t complaining too much about what happened in the end. After all, he and Jensen had begun a relationship which culminated in Jensen moving in with him at the end of Season Three, so he wasn’t complaining. It was just the realization that he had done this all before, except maybe this time he would lose the guy instead of winning him.

Sure there was always the occasional snag in the road like when he asked Jensen to move in with him but his lover was so sure that they wouldn’t last that he refused to unpack his stuff. It took two months and the promise of a new bed to finally make Jensen believe that they could make it work. Since then they have been blissfully living together. Then there were the times when Jared let his mouth runaway with him, exhibit ‘A’ the Companion TV interview in which he spoke about Jensen’s pretty little ass, well it was the truth after all and no, that hadn’t caused them any grief at all, quite the opposite actually. There’s nothing like a bit of role playing with leathers, cuffs and a spanking to spice up your love life. So from Jared’s point of view they had been happily together for two years but as he discovered today, happiness was a relative thing and apparently measured by coffee beans and sustained by caffeine. Who would have thought!

So now Jared was sulking in his trailer too pent up to rest and too mad to apologize even if it was his fault that it all went wrong this morning. Well the cat debacle was just bad luck but telling Jensen the house was on fire was just plain dumb and now he had the extra problem of an imaginary illicit love affair. The upshot of it all was that while Jared wallowed in his trailer, the rest of the crew had to endure the consequences of Jared’s mindless prank and bad judgment while Jensen prowled the lot looking for an elusive pot of coffee.

Bottom line was that a tiger was on the loose and no amount of coercion or trickery was going to get him back into his cage, Jared knew it and the crew knew it but Jensen was seemingly oblivious to their fears and concerns. He simply wanted a heartfelt apology from Jared and a very large dose of caffeine, not necessarily in that order. However until he had both, everyone else just had to wait it out and hope that the fallout would be minimal as he rampaged through their world.

People had every reason to be worried, because despite claiming that he was going to his trailer, Jensen didn’t. He was still out there looking for prey. The crew had set up spotters strategically located around the lot and regularly provided the rest of the crew with JAs (‘Js’ Alert text messages.) These had been established after the last great debacle and like all disaster plans had never been tested until today and so far it was working well. There had been few casualties and despite it being an emotionally charged day, there was a real chance that the situation might be diffused before lunch and the day could go on as normal. More importantly they needed to resolve this before Kripke joined the set in a few hours. The little guy was larger than life and most people bowed before him. While the fans intoned the mantra ‘trust Kripke’, the crew preferred to one that said, ‘don’t piss off the hobbit.’ Bottom line was if this crap between the Js wasn’t fixed soon then everyone would pay the price whether Kripke found out or not.

So in the spirit of rectifying the situation JAs had been going out regularly to alert the crew of possible hotspots with threat alerts like: “They’re in the mess tent.” “Argument in progress.” “Resolution failed.” “Heading to trailers. Stand down people.” And then things went into high gear,

 

  
**“Action stations. Ackles is on the move.”**

**CODE RED: ACKLES ALERT**

 

By the time the P.A.s worked out that he was heading to the design department, it was almost too late to evacuate the staff. Larry, one of the P.A.s, drew the short straw and had to trail Jensen wherever he went. Hiding a safe distance behind his target, he hurriedly called the designers to warn them of the impending onslaught, “Suzie we have a code red.” He could hear her shouting the warning to her co-workers and he could have sworn he heard the sound of furniture being knocked over. “Suzie you there…Yep he’s on the loose and heading your way. Don’t think you’re gonna get out of there hon. I’m so sorry, he just moved so quickly, there was no time. Forget protocol and give him whatever he wants. It’s safer that way; less chance of…well it doesn’t bare thinking about. We’ll adjust the books later and Suzie…is that a shower I can hear?” He asked confused by the distinct sound of running water. “Anyway good luck hon… and Suzie, it’s been nice working with you.” As Larry hung up the lights seemed to dim as Jensen entered the design office.

God help us all, he thought with a tear in his eye as he kept a safe distance from the action.

Just as Suzie hung up the sky seemed to grow dark, the lights faded and suddenly Jensen was there. He picked up a hammer that was lying on one of the few work benches that hadn’t been overturned and swung it casually into his other hand. She held her breath and waited, ready to flee if it came to that but instead he quietly asked for a can of spray paint. She felt the tension leave her, things aren’t so bad after all, she thought.

Up until that point he hadn’t made eye contact with her but then she made a fatal mistake. She asked him a question. “What color,” she foolishly inquired.

He lifted his head and looked directly at her. She instinctively took a step back as his eyes pierced her. He raised the hammer as the sound of running water mysteriously grew louder followed by the distinctive notes of the Psycho theme.

“No, NO!” She cried. “God no please…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…” but it was all too much for her. She screamed hysterically and fled the office leaving a very confused Jensen in her wake.

He simply shrugged, walked behind the counter and reached down the can he had pointed to with the hammer before Suzie had run out the door. Feeling like something had finally gone right today he left the design area lazily swinging the hammer in his hand. On his way out he spotted Frank, clearly the reason for the Hitchcock flashback, sitting on a nearby bench.

“Not cool Frank. Not cool!” he muttered as he walked on.

“You’ll have to speak up I’m wearing a towel!” Frank chuckled in response, as the classic shower scene continued to play.

“Damn it Frank!” Jensen yelled not impressed by the constant theme music that had accompanied him all morning. “Turn it off.”

“You got it little big guy,” Frank called as he hoisted his portable sound desk around his neck and staggered off to another location.

Jensen was more than happy to get away from Frank who was slowly turning his life into a fully fledged musical but as he turned the corner of one of demountable buildings he almost collided with Greg, the incompetent cable guy, who was tweaking a power box.

“I should have known that you were behind the lights go to off a minute ago.” Jensen didn’t feel the need to be polite as this man had been a source of irritation for him all day.

From the moment he’d seen Greg again, he just knew the guy would cause problems. He was like a black hole that sucked everything including light into it and nothing escaped its vortex. The man had singlehandedly delayed the cooking schedule and caused a site-wide power failure; and it wasn’t even lunch time. Who knew what further destruction would occur if this guy was left to ‘fix’ things?

Greg stood with his arms defiantly crossed. “Look it’s simple, we’re borderline on the simulator, we need to do more tests to stop these fluctuations to the power grid but we’re back to full power at the moment,” he replied unconcerned by the innuendo that the he had fucked up again.

“Well thank you Mr. Scott,” Jensen replied, feeling more like he had just joined the set of Star Trek than Supernatural.

“My pleasure Mr. Ackles and don’t forget to watch where you walk. You don’t want to trip and hurt that pretty little face of yours. Hate to see you have to go back to make-up to get your guyliner and manscara fixed princess.”

Jensen paused, gritted his teeth resisting the urge to escalate the situation by putting the hammer to use on Greg’s head. As much of a public service as that would be, he decided he had bigger fish to fry at this point in time.

“And that’s strike two. Third strike and you’re out,” he emphasized his words by swinging the hammer into his palm.

“Oooh, I’m scared,” Greg replied sarcastically.

“You should be,” Jensen warned him. “You should be,” as he continued on his way to eliminate another bane of his existence.

Jensen was a man on a mission. Genevieve had taken his coffee and honestly how could she possibly drink it with those lips? They never moved. Even as he headed to her lair, he figured she was probably changing her clothes because she had spilt coffee all over them. It was such a waste and now she must pay for her selfishness.

It’s not that he didn’t like Genevieve; He just didn’t like how she led Jared astray, or rather Ruby led Sam astray and he disliked her absolutely oblivious attitude to the destruction and despair that she caused. The thing that really bothered him was that unlike the other actors Genevieve didn’t need to method act because she really was a demon…she was the worst kind of demon, the coffee stealing kind. He just knew she was evil because let’s face it no human would so blatantly take the last coffee without asking if anyone else wanted it but she did. With that in mind he was convinced that she was truly demonic and like all demons it was time to send her back to hell.

Using tactics that would have made Dean proud, Jensen crept around the lot darting here, hiding there until he reached Genevieve’s trailer. Little did he know that he had a partner for this particular dance, as Larry was never too far behind, copying his every move. He may have thought his actions went unnoticed but in between commando rolls and pirouettes, Larry and others like him were reporting Jensen’s every move but no-one sounded the alarm because they still hoped that he was method acting his way to his own trailer.

When he reached Genevieve’s trailer, he quickly looked around hoping no-one noticed and yet he felt like all eyes were on him. He shrugged it off thinking he was just being paranoid but he couldn’t shake the weirdness of the day and not for the first time wondered why the lot seemed so empty. He shook his head, cleared his thoughts and focused on the job at hand.

He could hear her singing inside the trailer, at least he thought she was singing but the words didn’t sound like any words he had ever heard before and he concluded it must be a demonic song designed to summon other coffee stealing fiends to the scene.

However before he could do the world a favor she spotted him and with coffee mug in one hand and stained tee-shirt in the other she asked, “Mumble?”

I knew it! He silently crowed. She’s had to change her clothes already. The anger inside him was bursting to find an outlet so he raised the hammer above his head…

He had been about to do the deed when the musical that apparently was his life once again interrupted him with sounds of Darth Vader’s theme. Being a geek at heart he turned half expecting to be find one of the angels saying, ‘Dean, I am your father’ but instead saw Jeffrey Dean Morgan walk past.

“Dad?” Jensen cried in shock as if Jeff had been resurrected before his eyes. “Dad is it really you?”

Jeff braced himself. All he had to do today was come in and have a few photos taken with his new ‘son’ but it was never simple when he came here especially if he crossed paths with his boys. Jensen had as many Daddy issues as Dean did but Jeff wasn’t in the mood to cope with them today. For that matter he wasn’t in the mood for any of his onscreen sons right now. Jared’s boundless energy wore him out and in all honesty that boy needed a good spanking which was something John should have done to Sam years ago as well. The truth was Jeff needed a stiff drink and huge pay check every time he was coaxed back to theSupernatural set because it seemed being a parent on this show was a lifetime job. Bad enough that the older boys still called him Dad but now it would seem there was a third one who would in all probability have as many hang-ups as the other two. I hate my life, he mentally whined as he turned to face the eldest of his brood.

“Boy you know I’ve moved on. You have to let me go,” he pleaded.

“But Dad…” Jensen looked as if he was about to cry.

“No buts. You have a job to do. Now make me proud son. Make me proud…” he called as he disappeared into mist that suddenly enveloped the area.

“Dad…Dad wait…I need you…” but it was too late Jeff was gone.

Jeff briefly wondered what his ‘son’ was up to with that hammer but while he worried about the boy, Jensen had to learn to stand on his own two feet even if that meant he was about to do something he shouldn’t, which he probably was knowing Jensen. The pranks those boys pulled were legendary and obviously Jensen was making mischief as usual but before Jeff could face anymore of it though he wanted a coffee; a quick shot of caffeine was just what he needed to help him over the rough patches that the day would most likely bring.

“Sorry about that fog Mr. Morgan, darn fog machine is acting up again,” old Pete told him.

“How you going Pete? Still working special effects?” Jeff replied as he enthusiastically shook the man’s hand.

“I reckon this gig will see me to retirement or an early grave.”

“I hope my boys aren’t giving you too much grief?”

“Not for me so much but they are a handful on set and now there’s a third one. I reckon they could all do with a firm hand. Maybe lock ‘em in a trailer for an hour or three; that’ll sort ‘em out,” the old man suggested.

“I hear ya Pete,” Jeff replied with a wink. “I hear ya. Listen I saw Jensen a minute ago, you seen Jared or the baby anywhere?”

“Nobody told ya yet eh?”

“Told me what Pete?”

“The Js are fightin’ again. I saw Jared storming to his trailer a while back and as for the runt of the litter, last I saw him he was making for the front gate but I reckon Gary’s probably hunting him down as we speak. A P.A. is supposed to take him around but they’re scared shitless ‘cause Jenny boy is in a mood over Jared making out with the youngster and they have gone to ground. There’s trouble in paradise Mr. Morgan and you picked a hell of a day to come home.”

Jeff bit back the groan and decided he might just top up that coffee with a shot of whiskey. “Thanks Pete. Take care and I will definitely try to calm the boys down when I find them,” he assured the man.

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose and centered himself. He had known all along that today was going to be long and emotional and that he would head back to LA vowing never to set foot on the set again. Every time he turned up it ended the same way, with a flurry of fights and Dad giving his sons a good talking to, but today Jeff wasn’t in the mood; however that was irrelevant with the Js already at each other’s throat. He knew that the people here were just plain crazy but then theGrey’s Anatomy folks weren’t much better. Hell, how many times did he have to tell Katherine that he wasn’t dead? Yet every single time she saw him she screamed and fainted. Nope the weird and the whacky weren’t confined to the set of Supernatural, Grey’s had their fair share too which was why he was now considering returning to fence building because he worked alone then.

**********************************

With Jeff gone to a better place, Jensen once more returned to the task at hand. He could still hear the Star Wars music but before he wasted anymore time he raised the hammer and brought it down hard on the lock effectively sealing Genevieve inside. With that done, he relaxed a little and headed off to see where the music was coming from.

He walked around the trailer only to spot Frank…should’ve guessed. Hammer still in hand he headed towards the man, determined to put an end to the sing along once and for all but was stopped in his tracks as he noticed one of the P.A.s lurking behind the trailer.

Larry had been hiding around the corner of the trailer and had watched in horror as Jensen had lifted the weapon. He had been tracking Jensen since he went to the design department but suddenly Larry realized, albeit too late, that not only was Genevieve in danger, so was he. This was not the time for texting so he called the first person on his contact list “Code red. Code red.” He urgently cried, fear evident in his voice. “Ackles is armed and dangerous. Call…”

“Watcha doin’ Larry,” Jensen asked as he came up behind the man.

Larry dropped the phone and slowly turned around only to find the looming figure of Jensen, weapon still in hand, right there in front of him. He had been so focused on getting his SOS out that he forgot to keep an eye on Jensen and now he would pay dearly for his mistake.

“Larry you do know that it’s not nice to lurk near the trailers don’t you?” Jensen may have been trying to sound nice but the look in his eyes said, ‘Larry you’re my next meal with a nice side of Fava beans’.

“Er…” Larry was too distracted by his Hannibal Lecter nightmare coming to life to answer coherently. All he could think of was, if he survived this they would have to put in an emergency amendment to the ‘Js’ Disaster Plan entitled ‘What to say if you get corned by a ‘J’.

“You don’t want a reputation as a peeping tom do you?” Jensen asked innocently but his tone was loaded with threat, not to mention the fact he was still clutching a hammer.

Larry swallowed convulsively, “No,” he squeaked. One word answers seemed his best chance of survival.

“That’s good Larry. That’s real good.” Jensen placed a hand on Larry’s shoulder, “I didn’t think you were that sort of guy but if I were you I’d take off before someone gets the wrong idea, if you know what I mean.”

“Genevieve…” He started to say.

“She’s fine Larry. Really she is. She’s in there with her clothes and books and music and my coffee and I’m sure she is perfectly content,” Jensen assured him.

“Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” yelled Genevieve in between banging on the door but the door wouldn’t budge because the locking mechanism was totally screwed thanks to Jensen and his trusty demon fighting hammer.

“Scream…screaming…” the P.A. stuttered.

Another round of “Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” shattered the morning quiet but Jensen was not concerned because she was now securely locked behind the devil’s gate he had made for her. Still he needed to deal with Larry before he could finish what he came here to do.

“Larry, Larry, Larry, you know those lips of hers distort stuff. That’s how she laughs. Weird huh? She’s fine. Trust me I’ve played a counselor, I know when people need help and Genevieve…” needs an exorcism, he thought, “…she’s okay. Now off you go,” he gave the man a gentle push to send him on his way. Foolishly Larry actually thought he was out of the woods until he heard, “Oh and Larry. You dropped this…” Rookie mistake!

Jensen extended his hand holding Larry’s phone that seemed to have a mind of its own as shouts were echoing from the caller at the other end, ‘Why you call. Where Jensen! Jensen you play nice. Play nice or Krippe find out…JENSEN!’ Larry grabbed his phone before heading off at warp speed in the direction of the main gate. “Say hi for me” Jensen shouted; an evil smirk on his face.

He picked up the spray can and turning to go back to Genevieve said, “Very funny Frank,” as he walked past the man to the front of the trailer not caring anymore whether Frank stayed where he was or not.

“Happy to brighten your day!” The sound guy replied as his pet dog led the way to someone else to torment.

Jensen paused briefly looking back to the strange music man, who was singing ‘hi ho hi ho, it’s off to work we go,” as he moseyed away. He simply couldn’t believe the freaks Kripke hired. I really am the only sane one left, he thought a little arrogantly. Of course little did he know that everyone else on set was thinking quite the opposite!

“Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” Genevieve bleated but Jensen wasn’t interested in her complaints.

“Careful or you’ll spill your coffee,” Jensen reminded her. “Oh, wait, you already did that right?” She glared at him; her patience and any benefit from the coffee long gone.

“You do know it was the last one don’t you?” Jensen informed her. “Sally couldn’t make anymore for ages because that weird cable guy from lighting turned off the electricity but there was… one cup… left. One cup, and you stole it from me. I needed that coffee. Not that you care, your usually too busy tainting my lover with your demon blood. Nasty business that. It really has to stop.”

“Mumble???”

“I’m sorry but the interrupter is downtown at Starbucks because someone sucked the place dry of all things caffeine, so whatever you’re saying is totally indecipherable because YOUR LIPS DON”T MOVE,” he shouted. He reigned in his anger and continued, “Perhaps I could call Jared. The demon blood thing does give the two of you a distinct advantage. Oh wait I can’t get Jared. He and I aren’t talking at the moment. Anyway I’m sure he is too busy feeling up the new kid on the block. He’s a demon at heart you know, Jared that is, not Jake. Have you met Jake yet? He’s sweet, innocent; I bet you’d eat him alive. Anyway back to Jared, you’d be proud; he’s a demon at heart. Only this morning the man that I love told me that the house was on fire. It wasn’t but that’s not the point. What sort of a person calmly informs you that you’ll be toast if you don’t haul ass? It is unforgivable and yet he claims that he loves me. Hard to believe when he’s hugging the kid though. I could ignore his flirting but I have decided I don’t want too. I might have, if I had had a coffee but you know how that turned out.”

“MUMBLE?!”

“Bite me,” he shouted back as he proceeded to paint a devil’s trap over her door. “Now try and get out of that you demon bitch.”

“MUMBLE!MUMBLE!MUMBLE!MUMBLE!MUMBLE!!!!”

Jensen smiled evilly, tossed the hammer and can aside, raised one arm in victory and walked back to the food tent hoping that the coffee was finally ready. This time though he wouldn’t miss out on what he wanted and anyone who got in his way risked life and limb because he was definitely in a ‘take no prisoners’ sort of mood.

************************************

 

While Jared and Jensen were preoccupied with things back at the lot, Gary finally found Jake about a mile from the front gate desperately flagging down cars.

Boy run fast. Next time I take car, thought Gary as he hurried to catch up to the young man.

“You run. I find,” Gary told him as he grabbed the frantic young man. “You come back now or I break you like Bruce Lee,” and he emphasized his words with a chopping motion.

Jake’s eyes grew wild as he looked for possible escape routes.

“We go now,” insisted Gary. “Find brothers. Lock all of you in trailer. Make world safer place.”

Gary dragged the man back to the lot and headed to the trailers. They were almost there when Gary spotted the smashed lock and graffiti on Genevieve’s trailer. He began taking deep breaths and started to vibrate and Jake wondered if the little guy was about to have a seizure.

“Your family crazy,” he shouted. “You no move. You move I hunt you again. Stay. I get help.”

“Okay,” Jake readily agreed. He was too tired from trying to outrun the guy anyway. He was thankful he was fit because having started work so early and then running a mile or two was a little tiring even for him. So right now standing still was a blessing.

What Jake didn’t realize was that Genevieve was still inside her trailer. At the sound of voices she had raced to the window and pried it open a scant few inches.

Jake was too busy wondering what he had done wrong to land a job like this to hear the window open behind him. He simply stayed where he had been left and stared off into nowhere as he considered what life was like on other sets. The fresh air helped clear his head a bit but what he really wanted was a very large cup of coffee. Like most people, coffee gave him that extra kick and Jake needed it now to help him refocus on his lines so he could get the job done and get the hell off the set as quickly as possible.

He knew that if he stuffed up filming he was a dead man. The one thing he had learned this morning was that on this set the key to survival was not evoking the evil spirits and demons that seemed to inhabit almost everyone. The boys seemed different though; not that he had ever met them before but he had Googled them, read a few interviews and watched the Paley Festival DVD. They seemed really down to earth sort of guys but today they were definitely having a tough time of it but compared to everyone else he had met at least they seemed human. So his priority was caffeine and if Gary didn’t come back soon Jake would set off to find the food tent and fuck the consequences…although Gary did scare the beejeebes out him.

“Mumble?” Screeched Genevieve to the stranger standing outside her window. “Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble.”

Jake spun around and screamed as he saw a huge pair of lips protruding through the gap in the window.

“Who are you? What are you?” He asked from a safe distance and then he took a closer look at the painted symbol decorating the door. His brow scrunched as he tried to recall what it was. It was like a pentagram but not quite and then he remembered seeing it in a few episodes of Supernatural and with a smile recognized it as a devil’s trap.

“Oh my god you’re a demon,” he whispered to himself. “You’re a real demon?” he asked her. He vaguely recalled that you could test to see if someone was possessed. “What was that word again? Uhm kellogg,” he tried but she didn’t seem to react. “Kleenex, corn chips, candy!” He shouted at her.

Genevieve simply rolled her dark eyes and muttered, “Mumble!Mumble!”

Jake had no idea what she said, “Sorry but I don’t speak Devilish,” he informed her, unsure if she actually understood what he was saying.

“Mumble!Mumble!” she yelled.

Not having a clue what she was actually saying, he tried to strike up a conversation with her much like people do when they met a foreigner at the airport, in other words he spoke very slowly and shouted at her.

“Sorry. I guess they have an interpreter around here somewhere but I haven’t met them yet so I don’t know who they are,” he said with a shrug before continuing. “So…you’re…a…demon. Wow. Do they just let you out for your scenes?”

“MUMBLE!!” she growled.

He didn’t know what she said but he caught the tone loud and clear and it dawned on him that maybe it wasn’t smart to stand there and talk to a real live demon. Talking actually seemed to make her angry and if she got out he was stuffed if he knew how to recapture her.

He watched in horror as she thrust a hand out the window. Clearly she was trying to get him. He took a step back but she seemed to be turning feral and he didn’t fancy his chances if she escaped. He knew the boys used some sort of food to keep evil things out or in. He didn’t know exactly what stopped a demon but he needed to find something and find it soon. He considered his options and came to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to be able to protect himself by standing there arguing the merits of condiments on supernatural beings. So he set out for the food tent.

It wasn’t easy to find again but a few lurking crew members, whispered directions before turning their attention back to firing off text messages. He thanked them and continued on his way. He was considering what would be the most appropriate food of choice to contain a demon and in his hurry to get what he needed; he burst into the tent just as Jensen was walked out with a piping hot cup of coffee nestled in his eager hands.

They collided and unfortunately for all concerned Jensen was now covered in coffee. Jake could have sworn that at that moment the clouds blotted out the sun and the temperature plummeted. Somehow he implicitly understood that what just happened was going to have major consequences as the day wore on.

“Sorry,” he whispered, as he stood up and held out a hand to Jensen to help him to his feet.

“My coffee,” Jensen cried as he began sucking the damp corner of his jacket. “Coffee…it’s gone.”

Jake was worried. While Jensen had seemed the quieter of the two Winchester brothers since he met them earlier morning, he certainly hadn’t exhibited any tendencies that would normally get you carted away in a straight jacket but now he seemed downright crazy. Maybe he was just stressed Jake reasoned because normal people don’t drink coffee off their clothes but Jensen was frantically sucking his wet shirt and jacket to get a taste of the coffee.

“I’ll get you another one?” Jake offered.

“There is none. Sally managed to make this cup for me when the power came on again and now it’s gone. No power, no coffee, no more,” he murmured as he stared in disbelief into the empty cup. “It’s gone…” he showed Jake the cup “…and it’s your fault,” his tone suddenly chillingly cold.

Jake knew that Jensen was over the shock and was out for blood and it didn’t matter one bit that in another life they were brothers, right now he was totally expendable as far as Jensen was concerned.

Faced with imminent death at the hands of his ‘brother’ or a slow painful death from a demon on the loose Jake reasoned he had a better chance of survival if he restrained the demon. He sidestepped Jensen who already had his hand up as if to throttle Jake and ran to the lady behind the counter in the food tent.

Jensen didn’t expect the lack of Jake in front of him as he swung, falling over spilling the scant drops of coffee left in his cup over Greg and his cables.

“You just don’t learn? No wonder they have to do so many takes. It must be hard learning lines when you can’t READ!” Greg sarcastically stated as he pointed to the ‘Watch Your Step sign’ next to the prone actor.

Jensen began to hyperventilate which just made him dizzy on top of his mounting anger. He had tried to stick to his ‘to do’ list but that was it; he was skipping right to the part where he killed the lighting guy from hell. Without a word he climbed to his feet but before he could put his plan into action Greg flew at him and landed a punch on Jensen’s check. Jensen knew Kripke would probably kill him for fighting but he was not walking away now, so returned the gesture with equal force hitting Greg in the eye. Greg reciprocated with a left hook that sent Jensen sprawling. Jensen countered by tackling the guy to the ground and they proceeded to trade punches as they rolled out of the doorway and out of sight.

The scene went unnoticed by everyone but Jake. He would usually have said something about altercations on set but he had more important things on his mind and quite frankly he was glad Jensen had found someone other than him to vent his frustrations on.

“Can I borrow a jar of chili powder please?” Jake hurriedly asked the portly woman behind the catering stand.

“No.”

“Please I’ll bring it straight back,” he promised.

“Sweetie I have worked here a very long time and your brothers play enough pranks around the place without you getting in on it too.”

Jake was surprised she knew who he was or at least who he was supposed to be. He was ecstatic that she had accepted him as a Winchester and wished others would do the same, maybe then his life would be easier. “I’m not like my brothers,” he assured her. “I wouldn’t do anything like that,”

“Look around you,” Jake turned and took stock of the destruction. “That’s what your brother did.”

Jake was confused. She had been talking about his screen brothers and suddenly she was talking about his brother. “Who Shaun?”

“Who?” She asked just as confused.

“My brother!” He replied.

“Dean or Sam?”

“Jared or Jensen!” He corrected her.

“No your brother!” She stressed again.

“Who Shaun?” he asked completely confused by the whole conversation. Am I the only sane one on this set?! he thought.

“No…oh for the love of god, take it and get out of here.” She thrust the chili powder into his hands and shoved him towards the door.

Jake sprinted back to the trailers and reached Genevieve’s just as the door flew open and one very angry demon surged towards him, arms flying wildly, teeth bared and lips immovable despite the steady stream of demon speak. His first instinct was to run but he knew that if he was going to survive being in the show then he needed to be able to deal with whatever they threw his way, so he stood his ground, uncapped the powder and hurled at her.

It had an amazing effect as she halted mid step as the powder hit her in the face.

“It worked,” he whooped. “It actually worked.”

Genevieve let out a truly excruciating scream as she collapsed to the ground writhing in agony. Jake didn’t dare go near her and he wasn’t entirely sure what he should do now that he had incapacitated her. However, he need not have worried about her fate, because out of the woodwork streamed a bevy of crew who picked her up and stole her away, leaving Jake standing there alone.

“Ah…guys?”

He assumed she had been taken to a demon holding pen but he wasn’t sure. Then again maybe the ones who took her were also demons. Now there’s a scary thought. Anything was possible on this set that’s for sure. His life was becoming very surreal and he wanted to run away to his Mom but he knew if he tried that, the ‘Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon’ reject would haul him back or worse his balls would become a permanent fixture in Kripke’s office. He felt like he had sold his soul to do this episode and the first thing he would do when he did break free was sack his frigging agent for putting him up for an audition in the first place.

Meanwhile having been startled from a nap, and he desperately needed a nap to have the strength to cope with the rest of the day, by screams, Jared bolted from his trailer to see if he could help but he was too late. Whatever had gone down had been dealt with and only Jake was left standing at the scene.

“God what happened?” he asked breathlessly as he looked for evidence of some catastrophic event.

Before Jake could answer, Gary returned with a bored looking cleaner shuffling along behind him. Gary spotted Jake and told the cleaner, “This one good. I say stay, he stay. He not like stupid brothers.” Unfortunately he also saw Jared. “Get away from boy,” he yelled. “You bad brother. You leave him. He run away. I hunt him down and bring back.”

Jared looked at Jake who was now visibly shaking. He went to comfort the boy, but Gary intervened. “No touchy. You make problems with other brother. He crazy. You make this one crazy too. You leave. I look after boy. Shoo…shoo.”

Jake thrust out his hand to grab hold of Jared but his ‘brother’ was just out of reach. ‘Help me’ he mouthed but it was to no avail as Gary ushered Jared away before he could rescue Jake.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll find you…” Jared yelled before he was shunted from the scene by the little man.

Through all this the cleaner just stood and stared at the door that looked more like a gateway to hell than a trailer door. While he wasn’t that smart, he wasn’t stupid either because even he knew that the door needed so much more than a cleaner; it needed a handy man and a hefty dose of holy water.

“Why you drag me here Mr. G?” He asked as Gary returned from chasing Jared away. “There’s no way man that I can clean that shit. Dude that door is like wasted. Not my territory Mr. G. You need Clyde. He’s the man with the spanner.”

Gary stared at the door and then at Jake. “I leave you here. You break door?” He asked in disbelief.

Jake’s eyes grew wide. “No. She, the demon girl, she did it. She kicked it open.”

“Like wow. You mean like a real demon, like evil and shit. It’s like Forrest says life is a box of chocolates…”

“Why she do that?” Gary demanded abruptly cutting off the life lessons as told by Fergus the fucked up junkie.

“How the hell do I know? She’s a demon. Maybe she likes to break shit. Jeez,” Jake snapped back, the day from hell catching up with him.

“Wow man you’re so bad. Don’t talk like that. It makes me horny,” drawled Fergus.

Jake screwed up his nose at the cleaner and took a step closer to Gary. Better the devil you know as they say.

“You shut up Ferret,” shouted Gary.

“It’s Fergus man. It means first choice as in prime cut. I am a piece of ‘A’ grade man meat,” he explained in that airy fairy way that says he had spent way too much time cleaning the costume trailer.

“More like meat loaf. You go. No work for you here and stay out of costume trailer. You want to get high, climb ladder. Go way gerbil.”

“I’m Fergus dude and you got it Mr. G. Oh and dude I was cleaning the nurse’s trailer this morning. Nancy, now she knows how to par-tee…”

Gary shook his head angrily, “Go,” he told Fergus, “And you,” he grabbed hold of Jake. “Watch mouth. No talk like brothers. They bad. First day and look what you do. I take you to food tent. You stay there. You move, the German make sausage out of you.” Jake paled and nodded submissively. He didn’t dare utter a word and when they arrived at the food tent, Gary shouted at Sally because he never quiet mastered the art of talk without yelling, “Boy stay here. You feed and water. He Winchester. Boy like brothers. Watch like bird.”

“You mean eagle,” she replied lethargically.

“Ah don’t you mean hawk?” Jake queried when he really should’ve just kept his mouth shut.

“Pick a species no care which,” shouted the little man. “Just watch boy.” He turned to Jake, “You no move. Someone come for you. No one come, you stay here.” ordered the little man. With a final yell to Sally he said, “I go find Clyde. Fix what boy broke.”

Gary disappeared in a rush much to Jake’s relief but then Sally smiled at him in that ‘I knew you were like them’ sort of way. He tried hard not to squirm but she looked at him the same way his Mom did when she caught him with his hand in the cookie jar and he tried to tell her that he wasn’t stealing a cookie.

Jake gave her a weak smile. “Thank you,” he said, as he handed back the jar of chili powder

Her eyebrows shot up as she noted that half the powder was missing. “Is any of this going to turn up in my food?” she demanded.

“No ma'am.”

“Humpf,” she snorted. “Heinrich we have company,” she called to someone in the back of tent.

A man appeared with meat clever in hand, “Vhat you vant?”

Sally indicated Jake and the German leered, “Awww fresh meat,” he cooed. “Thiz babee Winchester? Youz like frankfurt too?” He asked as he leant over the younger man as if he was inhaling his scent.

“I…maybe…I haven’t tried them yet.”

“Youz try. I know youz like if youz try.”

“Heinrich back off. He’s had enough for one day I bet,” came a deep throaty voice that Jake had never heard before.

The chef shrugged, winked at Jake and then strutted back to the kitchen.

“The German gets a little carried away but he’s harmless. Hi I’m…”

“Dad?” Jake cried as he turned around and saw that it was Jeff. In sheer relief he launched at the man hugging him tightly.

“Hello…son…” Jeff replied unsure who the boy was in real life but guessing it was his new offspring on the show.

“Thank God you’re here,” Jake whispered as he burrowed into his screen father.

Why do I always get the crazy ones? They find me. They always find me! lamented Jeff as he held on to his ‘son.’

“Son of a gun!” Someone shouted behind them.

Jeff turned enough to spot Jim Beaver walking towards them. “Let go son, let go,” he encouraged as he pried Jake’s fingers off him. “Jim you met…”

“Hello I’m Jake. He’s my Dad,” Jake beamed at Jeff.

“Right,” Jim nodded. They find him. They always find him, Jim mused. He was more than aware of the effect Jeff had on Jared and Jensen and now a third one too. “You sly dog! When did this happen?” teased Jim, although he’d read the script so Jake wasn’t too much of a shock. The fact that the kid looked like both Jared and Jensen was quite remarkable though. “I can see the family resemblance,” he added with a smile as he shook Jake’s hand.

Jeff nodded that they shouldn’t discuss anything in front of the boy. “Jake I need to talk to Jim here. I’ll catch up with you in a little while okay?”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Jake grinned, Jeff patted his head affectionately and grabbed Jim’s arm encouraging the man to leave quickly. “They’re at it again,” he whispered to Jim as they hurried away.

Jim didn’t need any more information. He knew exactly who Jeff was talking about. “Damn fools. Sometimes those boys are fire and ice together. Shame everyone else gets hurt when they let off steam,” he replied miserably, knowing full well what lay ahead if the Js didn’t calm down.

The two men walked outside, turned a corner and were blinded by the light.

“Sorry,” yelled Greg, the lighting guy, from somewhere beyond the glare.

Jim donned his sunglasses to ward off the piercing light, “That sun is bright,” he joked.

“Shame mine aren’t,” Jeff muttered as the men headed off to catch up on old times.

Back in the tent, Jake stood silently and alone. He noticed Sally watching him and figured that she was still trying to work him out. She obviously had come to some conclusion about him though because in the blink of an eye she turned from prison guard to his grandma and began offering him all manner of foods and most importantly coffee.

“Did Jensen get a coffee?” Jake asked. He felt bad about what had happened but there was a greater emergency at the time than getting Jensen another one.

She laughed, “Oh you heard about that eh? Poor boy seriously needed one today. I gave him a fresh cup and hopefully he is all purring and docile now. I’m surprised you didn’t see him when you raced in here for the chili powder. He had just walked outside,” she informed him.

Jake blanched. She doesn’t know. Oh my god she doesn’t know Jensen never got to drink it. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he and Jensen had collided and that Jensen is now wearing that wonderful cup of coffee she made for him. The problem was that she seemed to like him now, so he wasn’t about to destroy the fragile peace by telling her what had happened. The sad thing was the peace was sure to be short lived with Jensen still lacking coffee. That meant his ‘brother’ would be in a worse mood when they filmed later so he figured he may as well enjoy it while it lasted.

Sally pottered around righting upturned tables and chairs, “Anyway let’s make you comfortable. You might be here a while,” she said as she encouraged him to sit down.

He had been sitting there for about twenty minutes, coffee cup firmly in hand and a plate of sandwiches in front of him watching the cleanup operation, when suddenly there was this blinding flash that blocked out everything around him.

Jake instinctively threw a hand up to shield his eyes but then he saw them...the angels. What an awe inspiring moment it was as they emerged from the light. He fell to his knees and bowed his head in worship and waited for the angels to speak to him.

As Misha, Kurt and Julie wandered into the tent, another muffled “sorry’ was heard as the light turned off but Jake didn’t hear it as he was too busy praying.

“You okay there?” Asked Misha when he saw the boy on his knees. “Those chairs are evil sometimes.”

“I…I pray…” Jake stuttered still afraid to rise.

Misha helped him up and sat him back at the table. “So do I and right now I’m praying for coffee.” He said with a wink before heading over to talk to Sally, “Morning sunshine how’s the coffee going?”

“Give me ten honey,” Sally replied. “Greg’s been fiddling with the power all morning and it’s seriously mucking up the cooking schedule today.” Not to mention the sudden mass exodus of my customers, followed by Mulder and Scully brawling in the middle of the tent, she angrily thought as she looked at the still messy tent.

Misha nodded sagely, “I hear you. He just had the flood lights on. I think he burnt out my corneas.” He turned to his fellow actors, “See Kurt if you had just picked up the coffees like I asked we wouldn’t all be standing here twiddling our thumbs and I wouldn’t need a corneal transplant.”

“Get over it you girl. Anyway it’s not like I didn’t try to get them but Gary wouldn’t stop at the diner. Maybe you can put the fear of god into him because I threatened him with everything from Archangels to Lucifer and he said Kripke scared him more. You can’t fight that sort of power.”

“He wouldn’t listen to me either,” Julie added. “He said I fell from grace so I had no say at all. Jesus Christ it was one lousy kiss,” she argued as she threw her hands up in frustration. “How was I supposed to know the key grip had just returned from his honeymoon?”

Jake stood by mesmerized as the angels talked together. They seemed so pure and yet their conversation was anything but and when Cheater, Cheater suddenly blared out of nowhere, well he had to wonder if God was sending a warning to the three beings.

“Well it’s not like the grip could tell you about his change in status since your tongue was down his throat,” Misha pointed out, as he tried to ignore the song that filled the tent.

She rolled her eyes, “Oh please….”

Jake’s mouth fell open in shock. He had read somewhere that some of the angels on the show had become rebels but he never expected to hear them talk so freely about their wanton and wicked ways. Before he could say or do anything, a P.A. suddenly manifested beside him and whisked him away to the set.

While no-one saw Jake leave, Sally couldn’t help notice the song blaring away. In the empty tent it reverberated like thunder.

“Okay you’ve had your little joke now turn it off Frank,” she ordered the man who was ensconced in the rear of the tent.

As silence once more filled the tent, the ‘angels’ all called “thanks Frank,” relieved not to have to try and talk over the music. The three sat at the table vacated by Jake and continued to discuss the lack of coffee, Julie’s Friday night flirtations and what they would say during the Companion TV interview. It was all very mundane and very low key and they liked it that way.

Their unobtrusive conversation didn’t last long as Frank couldn’t resist reacting to the stories Julie was rambling on about…

Let’s talk about sex baby, rang out as a chuckling Frank sat there patting his dog while the Angels stood ready to show him the meaning of God’s wrath.

“God damn it Frank! Turn it OFF!” Hollered a very fed up Sally. For a small woman her voice sure could boom. The music was immediately turned off and God’s army too sat back down in deference to her command.

“Now instead of sitting there playing with your damn CD player, why not pick up some of those tables and chairs near you.” I really have to start bringing a flask to work, she thought as she mentally calculated the hours until knock off time and the distance to the nearest bar.

“It’s a portable sound desk Sal...”

“Whatever Frank, at least pick up that darn table behind you,” Sally growled as she rubbed her temple.

Frank leant down and without looking grabbed the first thing he felt behind him which unfortunately happened to be one of the tent poles, thereby collapsing the side of the tent over himself and the choir of angels as he wrenched it free.

“What the hell?” Sally screamed. “Are you blind!? GET OUT FRANK AND TAKE THAT DAMN DOG WITH YOU!”

“No worries Sal,” came a muffled voice from under the canvas.

“Think again asshole,” snarled Misha as he frantically tried to nab the errant sound guy before he escaped.

Sally looked at the disaster and promptly headed to the kitchen. “Yo Heinrich you got any whiskey back there?”

Sadly for them all the day was not even half over and unfortunately, as the saying goes, it would get worse before it got better.

************************************

 

While the angels wrestled ‘their demon’ under the fallen canvas and Sally slowly drank her way through a bottle of whiskey in the semi demolished craft services tent, Jake was literally thrown on to the set by the furtive P.A., who then seemed to dematerialize before his eyes. So Jake stood alone and trembling slightly, looking around him wondering why he had ever taken this job. It was so disorganized and nothing like anywhere he had ever worked before.

The people he encountered here were like loose cannon balls flying around the place exploding in a spectacular fashion wherever they fell. No-one seemed to know what they were doing and even worse, no-one seemed to really care. For instance he had been told to front up today to film the diner scene but no-one had told him things had changed and suddenly he discovered that the scene he was about to film was apparently a kitchen scene. So there he stood surrounded by crazies, cameras up close and personal in his face, as his brain tried to catch up with the sudden change of scenery.

Out of nowhere a script was shoved into his hand, “Scene 5. You got two minutes to refresh your memory; don’t screw up kid.”

He was not sure who the owner of the voice was but if there was one thing he had learnt today, it was keep your mouth shut and do as you’re told. Jake sat down at the ‘kitchen table’ and tried to calm himself and in an attempt to take his mind off…well his impending death. The minutes ticked away as he rehearsed his lines and for a short time only he relaxed but just when he thought it was safe, the moment he had been dreading arrived…

“Producer on set!” A booming voice proclaimed, although it sounded more like a warning than an announcement.

Despite everything Jake had been through today this one moment was the most terrifying. He had often heard stories of soldiers who had been through a traumatic experience and they said everything seemed to go in slow motion. Now it was Jake’s turn to experience it and it was something else all together.

The set fell into an obedient silence as all eyes looked upwards to the heavens waiting for him to return as if it was the second coming. The almighty Kripke, arms raised as if in blessing, came from above; a majestic light cloaked him as he made his slow yet splendid descent. He neither spoke nor moved his arms but his eyes seemed to glow with joy as he gazed upon the faithful gathered before him.

Jake could have sworn he heard a choir of angels singing and was awed when he turned around to see a slightly disheveled band of angels stroll in harmonizingIn the Arms of An Angel to the haunting music provided by an equally tousled Frank. The lilting music seemed to drift on the air and it was a memorable moment.

The problem was, having a tent collapse on your head has its consequences and for these three, being whacked in the head was not just a figure speech. “God loves us,” Misha told Jake with a wink as he returned to sing quietly with his friends. The fact that they shouldn’t be singing when filming was about to take place never seemed to cross their minds. They were simply focused on finding an appropriate song for the wrap party. The demons had to sing about devils and the angels…well angels. So they took the opportunity to rehearse inside the sound stage, irrespective of what was happening around them because “the acoustics were just fabulous.”

Jake stood wide eyed, mouth agape as the angels sang Kripke’s praises and he had to fight the urge to fall to his knees again, this time before the great creator.  
.  
After what seemed like hours Kripke touched down and climbed out of what Jake now assumed was a spaceship.

“Greg take the scissor lift back up and turn down that spotlight. It’s too harsh. I think I’m melting and Frank buddy?” he pointed to the music man. “Love your style but let’s cool it for now; you’re scaring the newbie.”

“You got it boss,” Frank chirped, relieved to have someone around who actually cared about what he did.

Suddenly the music stopped and so did the angels and for a minute silence reigned supreme ….until Kripke spoke. His voice was not what Jake had expected after all the tales he had heard today. It was sweet, even innocent …why was everyone so scared of him? Jake wondered as he looked around the reverent group.

“Okay folks as you know Phil and I are going to share the directing of this episode. Yes I am the producer but today I am also your director and I especially wanted to be here today because Jake has joined our family. So let’s all make Jake feel welcome.”

The crowd applauded as requested and then once again there was silence except for the whir of the scissor lift motor, as Greg headed to the roof out of sight of everyone.

Kripke made his way to Jake. For the first time today Jake felt truly safe. The comments that Kripke was God suddenly seemed right on the money; the man certainly appeared to be all loving and caring.

“Hey Jakey boy, ready for your first scene?” Eric asked, a kind smile spreading from ear to ear on his face.

“Yeah of course” Jake responded happily.

He felt at ease and figured it was as good a time as any to ask about his contract. While things may have seemed slightly better now that Kripke had arrived, the idea of being on the show longer than today was really scary and he still wasn’t sure if he would even make it through that far. It wasn’t even lunch time yet and he had met his dead dad, fought off a demon, discovered a stalker quality in one of his brothers and that the other one wanted to kill him; all while trying to escape from the only Asian leprechaun to grace Canada. It was all too much and he wanted out.

“I just have a question…about my contract.”

“What about it?” Kripke spoke softly not sure where this was going and why it had come up now.

“Well I know it said I was signed for…uhm I know I agreed… ah it’s just…well it’s not set in concrete right? Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for the opportunity but I just don’t…”

At that point the lights unexpectedly flickered above them and Kripke’s smile immediately turned sour and his eyes glowed red in the light like a crossroads demon.

“A contract’s a contract,” he said as he advanced on the boy. “You’re mine kid, whether you like it or not. I have your signature and I have you. I…OWN…YOUR…SOUL,” he declared, his voice suddenly two octaves deeper. “We clear?”

“Crystal,” squeaked a terrified Jake. Suddenly it all became clear, Kripke was God alright and God had a wrath that even the devil would shy away from. Finally Jake understood what he had let himself in for. Without even realizing it, he too had sold his soul, just like Dean and his Dad. The Winchesters really were cursed.

“Sorry…I’m so sorry…” was all Jake could articulate, his vocabulary shrinking under Kripke’s soul destroying glare.

“Glad we understand each other.”

Once more the lights flickered. “Damn it Greg what are you doing with that darn red light?” bellowed Kripke.

“Sorry,” came a faint voice from above as the lights turned back to normal.

Kripke headed over to his throne chair and sat down despairingly, his good mood waning fast; his lighting guy was struggling to find the right switch, the music guy was trying to create Supernatural The Musical and now he has a actor who has been on set scarcely half a day and already wants to walk. Kripke just knew that in the kid’s case, Jared and Jensen had done something to scare him off. It was then that he realized the subjects of his thoughts were both AWOL.

“Where the hell are Butch and Sundance?!” Kripke shouted out across the set at no one in particular. There was no need for further explanation, everyone knew exactly who he was referring to and like a room full of toddlers they all stared at their hands and shuffled their feet, as no-one was game enough to speak up.

Kripke’s eyes narrowed as he zoned in on his reluctant staff, “Last time I checked I didn’t hire a bunch of blind, deaf, mutes…”

“Well some of us…” Frank drawled as he stared off into space.

“Not now Frank,” snapped Kripke. “Come on people, talk to me? Where are they?”

There was a general murmur amongst the crowd, a flurry of what sounded like texting and then a half garbled, “JA heading south past transport.”

“JP bearing north near production,” another voice quietly informed the assembled crew.

It seemed neither of the Js had stayed put in their respective trailers and each was trying to avoid the other by keeping on the move. The end result being they were both prowling the lot. Unfortunately the lot wasn’t that large and sooner or later their paths were sure to cross and whoever drew the short straw to haul their asses onto the set was in for a tough time. It was simply a job no-one wanted.

“Converging on the Writer’s room,” someone whispered urgently and that was followed by another round of frenzied texting and a muffled, “Red alert.”

However, Kripke wasn’t interested in Chinese whispers. He wanted answers and clearly no-one was going to give them to him unless he singled someone out and unfortunately for poor Larry the rest of the group cottoned on to that fact quicker than he did and en masse they smartly took a step back.

Kripke rolled his eyes at their childish behavior, climbed up a step ladder that followed him everywhere and confronted the sacrificed P.A. “Right, Larry. Find them. Bring them here. Do not pass ‘GO.’ Do not collect two hundred dollars. Are we clear?”

“Yes sir.”

“I can’t hear you. Are we clear?”

“YES SIR,” Larry shouted back although his bravado didn’t match his true feelings.

Larry briefly thought about protesting but he had just assured God that he was up for the job so he could hardly weasel out of it now. Still the thought of never seeing his wife or children again stopped him dead in his tracks. He visibly paled at the insurmountable task ahead of him but he knew he had no choice; he had to go. This was a classic do or die mission and failure was not an option. With a nod he set out, passing a group of P.A.s who were watching him as if he was heading to his execution.

He turned and quietly spoke to one of them, “Please tell my wife…” but he was cut off as she hugged him fiercely.

“No you tell her yourself when you get back! You hear me?” she sniffed as she desperately tried to hold back the tears.

He gave her a reassuring pat on the back and solemnly walked off the set for his date with destiny.

Kripke watched the whole scene with utter disbelief and a healthy dose of confusion. He was so going to do all the job interviews personally from now on. No more leaving it to Bob Singer the man was a nut case; all that touchy feely, airy fairy, mumbo jumbo, hippie crap so jarred with Kripke’s slasher style of dealing with things. With a shake of his head he sat down again to await the arrival of tweedledum and tweedledee, while keeping an eye on the newest Winchester in case he tried to escape. The last thing he needed was to chase after some twenty-something year old actor, who decided that he didn’t need to film even one episode before waltzing on to the next big thing that came along.

That aside, Kripke had to admit that today was not looking good. They were behind schedule, a run through hadn’t been done and the stars were left to roam freely without P.A. supervision. If things were bad now, he shuddered to think how much worse they might get.

After a long ten minutes the set erupted in applause as Larry appeared with the Js dragging their heels behind him. The P.A. walked through the cheering crew giving high fives as he went until he reached Kripke’s chair. As he edged closer to Kripke, the cost of getting the boys became clear to all and sundry. The man’s hair was a mess, his shirt ripped to shreds and of all things he was missing a shoe.

“Here they are,” he informed Kripke in a voice choked with emotion. “Now if you don’t mind I think I’ll take my lunch break…” The shock of the morning finally caught up with him as he fell flat on his face at Kripke’s feet.

“Medic!” Kripke hollered impatiently.

With a skip and a hop Nancy, the nurse, appeared at Eric’s side; she always waited in the wings, keen to be there as soon as she was needed.

“You rang Eric? How can I help? Did Jared get a boo-boo again?” She giggled like she had just tapped into her morphine supplies (again.)

Kripke usually loved her wacky ways but not today. “No Jared didn’t get a boo-boo; Larry got a concussion. Fix or fix not,” he stated in his best Yoda voice, “just get him off my set.” Kripke clearly had no sympathy for the weak as he stepped over the lump of Larry to address the boys.

One of the crew quickly positioned the stepladder and Kripke climbed it until he towered over the Js. From the look on their faces they were sorry for what had gone down. Both the boys looked like they had just stepped out of the boxing ring. Like Larry they were disheveled and if Kripke didn’t know better he’d swear they had been brawling as opposed to simply mucking around. Whatever had occurred, it was right up there on the list of dumb things these two had done.

“You two mindless idiots want to explain this latest act of stupidity to me? I was going to ask him,” Kripke nodded to lounging Larry behind him, “but it would seem you shocked him into a lasting silence!”

“Well you see it… I mean I just… but Jensen did it too and…” Jarred obviously thought he was forming whole sentences but nothing was coherent.

“We have got to cut your scenes with Genevieve; you’re not making any sense and you have lips! Jensen, wanna take a stab at it?”

Jensen just shook his head. There were no words to describe what had just gone on. All he knew was that he and Jared collided outside the Writer’s room, started out arguing, ended up wrestling on the ground and then all of a sudden Larry was there and before it was all over Larry was…well messed up didn’t quite cover it. Jensen had to admit that quiet little Larry turned into the lion that roared and in the end neither Jared nor Jensen were game enough to defy him.

“Say bye, bye boys Larry here won’t be back for awhile” Nancy announced as Larry was wheeled between them on a stretcher. The two looked at the prone man and mumbled their apologies. Jarred placed the missing shoe on Larry’s chest with a ‘sorry dude’ before watching the battered man as he was carted off through the crowd with Nancy skipping merrily along next to him.

Jake watched silently as Larry went sailing by. The wounded P.A. weakly tugged at Nancy’s arm begging her to stop.

“Kid,” he croaked beckoning Jake to him.

Jake looked around, “Who me?” He asked as he walked over to the stretcher.

Larry mustered what meager strength he had left and pulled Jake down to him and then whispered, “There’s only one way out of this place kid and this is it.”

Jake pulled back horrified as Larry’s eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out, his strength gone. Jake just knew he should never have signed that contract but his musings were interrupted by Kripke’s rant.

“I thought this was supposed to be a set not a frigging circus!” roared Kripke. “You know what? I have an imagination and its running wild so let’s not spoil my visuals by telling me the truth. I don’t want to know. Larry’s gone. It’s over. Let’s move on and get done what we came here to do,” he huffed, as he headed back to his chair leaving the boys looking as guilty as sin.

That was the moment that Jake snapped. He turned to him, the only really good thing to happen to him on this set…Jared. Jake ran to the man and gave him a huge hug oblivious to the fact that Jared’s caffeine deprived, over tired, jealous boyfriend was standing right next to him.

“Jared you promised you would find me. You still care don’t you? Don’t let go of me. Please you’re all I have left here.” Jake was beyond holding back. He needed to know he would be okay and with Jared here he felt that maybe, just maybe, he would be. Boy was he stupid!

The whole crew gave a collective gasp as they watched the spectacle unfold. They couldn’t believe the kid was dumb enough to talk about the affair in public let alone with Jensen standing there listening to the pleading.

Jared didn’t know what to do. He knew what everyone was thinking right now but the poor kid was just so scared, so he simply patted his back in that motherly ‘there, there’ kind of way but to everyone else it looked more like that two-timing ‘huba-huba’ kind of way.

Frank heard the crews’ whispered mutterings about secret affairs as he sat to the side of the group. He smirked, hit play and the set filled with Love is in the Air.

It was the last straw for Jensen. He made a fist ready to strike anyone who got in the way. Especially if it was Jared or Jake, he didn’t care which. Reacting quickly Jared took a step back holding the boy closer.

“Time and place Frank!” Kripke roared over the music and it abruptly stopped. Clearly he had missed something big this morning, but it was going to end and it was going to end now.

“Jensen! Don’t even think about it. Jared step away from the boy please,” Kripke spoke slowly as if he was talking a jumper off a very tall building.

“But…”

“I said step away from the boy.”

Jared slowly released Jake pushing him behind him protectively. He might let go but no way in hell was he leaving Jake defenseless.

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Jake?” The boy peeked out from behind Jared. “Jake for the sake of calm, your safety and my sanity I need you to go to your mark and stay there until I say otherwise.”

The boy hesitated but a small nod of reassurance from Jared gave him the strength to move. So he backed up slowly not daring to turn his back on Jensen, who still had his fist raised.

Kripke expected order on his set and let’s face it who didn’t want their work place trouble free and calm but invariably there was always one who tried to push their luck and today it was Jensen. “Jensen put down your hand…now!”

Jensen pursed his lips; clearly he was considering his options but eventually he lowered his hand although he didn’t take his eyes off the little shit that had walked in and ruined his life all in one morning. Of course the fact that he had originally decided that Jared was just being nice to the kid was forgotten and so was the fact that Jared had started the whole crappy day off by scaring him out of bed for a fake fire and then he didn’t get a coffee and spent all morning trying to have one. No Jared had been stupid but Jake…well this was all Jake’s fault now! He was the sole source of all things bad in Jensen’s life and one way or another the kid was gonna get it.

“Right everyone take a deep breath and center yourselves. Okay so let me address a few minor issues. First off I left instructions that you two clowns were to ‘brother’ Jake but it would seem that you Jared just can’t control yourself.”

Jared grunted a “huh” in confusion.

So Kripke put it another way, “I had left instructions for you to brother him and instead look what you have gone and done,” he exclaimed as he put the whole disaster on Jared’s shoulders.

“Wha…” Jared asked still confused.

“You were suppose to brother him not bugger him sasquatch,” someone yelled form the back of the crowd.

Jared reeled at the accusation and addressed the throng, “No! No wait a minute. It’s not what you think.”

Jensen’s eyes grew wide as he stomped towards his lover. Jared grabbed Jake behind him again and began to back up rapidly.

“I swear I did nothing wrong,” he pleaded as he held Jake behind him with one hand and the other outstretched in an effort to keep Jensen at arm’s length. “It was just a hug. He was cold and…”

“I remember someone once telling me that we slept together and then I discovered that it was a joke and yet by the time we were done I did sleep with you. So today may have started with a hug but both you and I know where it will end up. That’s your M.O. Jared isn’t it? Make ’em feel safe and then wham you’re on ‘em quicker than a fat kid on a cupcake.”

“Will you just listen to yourself Jensen? Since when did you go all jealous boyfriend? You don’t hear me complain about the long hours you spend with Misha alone in your trailer.”

The crowd gasped and eagerly waited for what Jensen had say about this most recent allegation. For them it was like watching a tennis match and the crowd swiveled their heads from Jared to Jensen as each man countered the other.

“Oh please, we were rehearsing,” Jensen snorted.

“Is that what they call it now,” someone called and the crowd snickered.

By this stage Misha felt the need to step in, “Jared I can assure you that the time spent in Jensen’s trailer was worthwhile…”

“Really?” Jared couldn’t wait to hear this.

“Yes we achieved a lot.”

“Oh I’m sure you did, like the hospital scene a few episodes ago?” Jared asked a little too calmly but Misha didn’t pick up on the icy tone so he plowed on.

“Exactly,” Misha exclaimed happily. “We ran through those lines a dozen times.”

Misha was feeling good about things and smiled contentedly. They were all adults having an adult conversation. He felt that he was making real progress here and that the situation had been diffused.

“Really? So how long was Jensen tied to the bed while you worked on those lines?” Jared asked accusingly.

Too late Misha saw the trap. Interfering was a bad, bad idea. “Jared I just didn’t want him using his hands….”

“Look Mum no hands,” a tech yelled out and the crowd cheered.

“Show off Jensen,” another man teased.

“Grow up,” Misha yelled at the crowd. “Jared please understand that everything we did was legitimate. I had thought about using a chair but it was better to have him on the bed. More…”

Jared stalked towards the man, “More fun for you maybe.”

“What? No. He wasn’t supposed to use his hands and he kept wanting to. It seemed the smart thing to do under the circumstances.”

The crowd turned to Jared waiting for his response and they weren’t disappointed, “you tied him down and made him perform?” Jared was stunned that Misha would even admit it.

“Of course not…”

“Wow the angel is kinky,” someone shouted.

“Oh ha ha! People a little decorum please,” Misha begged. He turned back to Jared, “it was just method acting, we do it all the time.”

“I don’t care. No-one but me gets to tie Jensen down, method acting or not.”

“Seems he ‘who would be the demon king’ is little deviant too. Now that’s getting into your role I say,” another spectator called out.

The mob muttered in agreement.

Jared ignored the crowd participation. “How about you keep your angel wings off my boyfriend? I have connections you know.”

The stress of the day finally hit Misha and it came down on him harder than a falling tent. He had the headache from hell and the rose colored edges of his world faded leaving him feeling irate. “Connections my ass! You’re problem is your brain has disconnected from your mouth pal.”

“Hey look it’s the apocalypse. Heaven and Hell are gonna duke it out,” a P.A. pointed out, proud of his clever contribution despite it being a statement of the obvious.

Misha took a step towards Jared, “If you really loved him then why were you cuddling the boy?” he asked pointing to Jake.

Jensen couldn’t take much more of this nonsense, “Enough both of you,” he said stepping between the devil and the deep blue sea. “Stop talking about me as if I’m not here. For starters Jared, Misha tied me down because I was talking with my hands. Dean was supposed to be on death’s door, so wouldn’t have been be able to raise a finger let alone his hands.”

Misha felt vindicated. Jensen had defended his actions but Jensen wasn’t done yet, ‘and don’t you go getting all smug. Next time think about what you’re saying. You’re supposed to be smart, try acting smart.”

Misha sulked and stepped away. Jared was over the moon that Jensen had stepped up and explained everything but then his boyfriend turned on him, “and don’t you dare think you’re off the hook for your little affair.”

Jensen couldn’t believe how bad his day had turned out. “I’m half expecting the four horsemen to ride in at any moment,” he muttered angrily as he scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Which half?” Jake asked.

Jensen looked at him in confusion. "What?"

“You said you’re half expecting?”

“Yeah?”

“Which half?”

“How the hell do I know? Left temporal lobe, will that do?”

“I guess.”

“You’re really stupid you know that?”

“You’re really mean!” Jake snapped back.

“Shut up kid or I'll send a hell hound after you.”

Jake dutifully stopped arguing.

Through the entire idiotic conversation with Jake, Jared was talking in the background, “Jen, Jensen JENSEN!” shouted Jared.

“What are you? Two or something?” Jensen yelled back. “I heard you Jared; you’re right in front of me. Now what do you want?”

“For the last time, I am not having an affair…”

Kripke couldn’t take much more of this; he grabbed his trusty megaphone and shouted, “That’s enough. People this is the set of Supernatural not Jerry Springer. I think you boys should save it until you are alone but spare me the details. Now since we are all adults here, including Jake whose twenty-one by the way folks…”

“Wunderbar he iz legal!” Cried an excited voice.

“Heinrich what are you doing here?” Kripke asked as he watched the man, who normally looked nothing short of a trained killer, bounce up and down like a five year old on Christmas morning.

“The tent iz down so I come to vatch the show,” he explained.

The food tent is down? Why is the food tent down? But then Kripke figured this was just another thing that’s best left unanswered today. Instead he said, “Buy the DVDs instead. Now scram.”

Mutterings of ‘Kripke is a party-poopa’ were heard as the man marched away.

“Okay let’s keep it down folks. Now as I was saying we are all adults here and if Jared says nothing happened then we should all be grown-up and accept that nothing happened. Okay Jensen?” Kripke calmly asked; but Jensen knew it was a rhetorical question.

Jensen pouted and nodded that he would stand down…for now. This round might be over but as far as Jensen was concerned Kripke could think what he likes. Bottom line was, Jared had stepped over the mark and he would pay for it and so would that kid.

Unfortunately Kripke wasn’t quite finished yet, “Okay, now Jensen you can’t seriously think Jared is dumb enough to have an affair with the first kid that walks through the door and do so in front of you and the whole crew. He’s dumb but not that dumb.” Jared tried to protest but the hand of God rose up and silenced him instantly.

Jensen halfheartedly agreed but that didn’t change the fact that Jared had caused some big problems today and Jensen wanted restitution because of them.

“So if you boys are intent on having a lover’s spat then fine but NOT on my set and especially NOT today.” Kripke paused to let his words sink in. “So right now you’re going to film these scenes if it’s the last thing any of you do and believe me I can arrange for it to be the last thing you do.”

Jensen, Jared and Jake accepted what Kripke said and while it was clear that the immediate threat had waned, they never moved from their current positions in case it all boiled over again.

“Good. Now on your marks and let’s get this show on the road shall we?”

Jared and Jensen reluctantly agreed not wishing to make matters worse by opening their mouths but Jake took the opportunity to ask a question, “About my contract…”

Kripke rose up upon his stepladder and icily asked, “What about it?”

Jake decided that discretion was the better part of valor and promptly shut up.

“Good! Now that’s settled and as far as I’m concerned it is over. Back to work. You all should have read this scene and know it. So no rehearsal we are going straight to it.” The words were barely out of his mouth when it dawned on him that the idiots looked like they hadn’t even been to makeup or costume yet, and if they had, then frolicking with Larry and generally rampaging around had undone anything that might have been done earlier in the day. What is this set coming to? He wondered.

“Someone call Di! Get her down here now with some fresh costumes, and for god’s sake make sure she’s off the wacky tabacky. The last thing I need is Dean and Sam in short shorts and rainbow tops and Adam in a stroller with a lollipop.”

Jared was amazed by the comment. Kripke had more power than he thought. He really did know all that was said and done on his set. Still the idea of Adam in a stroller was too funny and he couldn’t quite stifle the laugh as he thought about it.

“Yeah I hear ya dude! Man that Di sure knows how to par-tee,” a voice drawled nearby.

Jared stopped laughing instantly, “I…I…” he stuttered as he desperately tried to distance himself from whatever was going to be said.

Kripke pursed his lips but refrained from saying anything to Jared. The man was obviously innocent in this case but not so his cleaner who was resting on his mop. “Fergus don’t you have something else to do like chase dust bunnies?”

Fergus considered the question and then replied, “Nah. Those bunnies are too fast and it’s like shit they’re gone. Then I say shit happens dude. You know what? You clean shit up and then like wow it’s magic…poof…and there’s more shit. Shit is a constant in the universe ya know.”

Kripke’s left eye began to twitch as he coolly replied, “Why don’t you head on back to candy mountain Charlie.”

“It’s Fergus Mr. K and like thanks. A mountain made of candy, dude that’s awesome. It’s like Forrest said, life is like a box of chocolates but sometimes you get the shit ones and you have to clean up shit because you know what? Shit happens,” he nodded as if he had just revealed one of the great secrets of life.

“Well if you want to continue watching shit happen then you’d better go find something to do or you will be on the end of a long line of unemployed people from theSupernatural set come this time tomorrow and then you will really know that shit does happen. Understand me doooode,” Kripke drawled in the same tone that Fergus used, a mixture of stoner and zombie speak with a hint of dementia.

Fergus saluted as he shuffled off wondering how he was going to get to candy mountain.

Thank god, Kripke thought as he flopped into his chair and watched the cleaner float away. “Now will someone call makeup, we need all the foundation they have to cover up the bruises.”

A flurry of people got out their cell phones and texted a simple, ‘Kripke on set. Get here NOW’ to the make-up girls.

Within minutes Jeannie, Shannon followed by Diane, all appeared with the necessary equipment at their fingertips as they awaited their orders.

“Ok girls do your magic makes these heartthrobs look like the drop dead heartthrobs that they are supposed to be,” Kripke said as he rubbed his throbbing temple. “And be quick about it. Time is money people.”

The three of them nodded and set to work. There was no time for change rooms. All three boys were stripped and redressed on the spot. While their attire had been adequate hours ago all the wrestling, tackling and coffee spilling had made their appearance more derelict than dashing. Kripke stood back watching the girls do what they do best, at least some people around here know what their job is.

As he watched the redressing of his stars, Kripke noticed the light hit a glaring bald patch on the back of Jeannie’s head. His girls were always impeccable in their appearance so this was something that must have recently occurred. “Jeannie what happened…” Kripke began but decided it really wasn’t worth opening another can of worms. Some things were best left unknown. “You know what I don’t want to know,” he told her holding up his hand to stave off her potential response.

Jeannie looked confused. She had no idea what Kripke was on about but thought it best not to ask considering his body language. All she wanted was to do her job and get the hell out of there before the shit hit the fan and she just knew that it was going to hit the fan big time today.

Finally the boys again looked like Dean and Sam and Jake now looked like Adam. Although they were still striving to establish a look that was distinctively his, he looked just fine. With a sigh of relief Kripke stood up to start work.

“Good work. Thank you girls,” Kripke said as he stood to begin filming.

The girls picked up their bits and pieces and started to leave. All three were relieved that they didn’t have to stick around for the next disaster that was sure to come. Sadly though, their luck wasn’t that good. Their attempt to get out undetected failed as a spotlight hit them; there was to be no great escape today.

Kripke looked at the women, as they stood in the glaring light and had an epiphany, “wait a minute,” He ordered. “I’d prefer that you all to stick around. Something tells me I’ll need you again and I don’t want to be kept waiting any longer than necessary.”

The women nodded. What else could they do? So they stepped to the side and waited because what Kripke wanted Kripke got. However, they couldn’t fail but notice the reason behind the spot light, especially since Greg was giggling above them. It was bad enough that he had been let loose on all manner of electrical things today and now he seemed intent on making everyone suffer by tracking their every move. The girls made a mental note to make him pay and as they all knew payback was a bitch.

Kripke was pleased to have his staff at the ready but he couldn’t help but think that the three girls looked like they had just been called up for war. He shrugged unsure what was going on but not willing to take the time to find out either.

“Okay folks let’s do this,” announced a now happy Kripke, who was blissfully unaware that an enormous amount of tension was still bubbling just below the surface of the usually contented set.

************************************

 

The thing about bad moods is that they don’t go away easily and invariably if you’re in one; one of two things happens. Either you actively drag everyone else down with you or your bad mood makes everyone else feel miserable too simply because you’re grouching about. The end result is that by the end of the day everyone is at each other’s throat and your bad mood has set off a chain of events that nothing short of the apocalypse will halt. Now combine a bad mood with Murphy’s Law, which states anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and you have a definitive recipe for disaster.

Today was going to be a disaster and Jared should have recognized the predictable collapse of his and everyone else’s day the moment he told Jensen that the house was on fire. That was the point where he should have hit the abort button. If he had just taken a step back and gone ‘oh shit Jen slept in’ and dealt with that crisis then the rest of it could have been averted but Jared like all people in a bad mood was not going to give an inch and he played the ‘if I’m in a bad mood then everyone else is gonna join me’ card and so began the slow disintegration of life as they knew it, which in turn set in motion Murphy’s Law.

So while Jared and Jensen were embroiled in their personal conflict, their argument rubbed off on the eclectic group of individuals they worked with. These people usually sailed through life by doing everything from driving cars to making daisy chains. They each knew their place in the world and none of them liked their world intruded on, much less trampled on; but this diverse group had their world turned upside down by two usually sane people who ended up in a shitty mood and then because of it rode roughshod over them. You don’t need a university degree to work out what the effect was. If you usually burnt incense to get through the day then nothing short of a Woodstock moment was going to save you when the arguing began. If you drove people around for a living and suddenly you were thrust into the role of P.A., nursemaid and moral compass you would now be so far out of your comfort zone that the likelihood of you finding your way back to the car was almost negligible. Consequently these people began to careen out of control as they desperately tried to hang onto normal in a completely abnormal situation and every single one of them knew that the day would end badly but they just didn’t know how to stop it from happening.

Jared knew how bad it would end as well especially when he stood on set with a terrified Jake next to him, a feral Jensen in front of him, a boss who thought his urge to screw co-stars was stronger than Sam’s demon blood-sucking addiction and a crew who knew the shit was going to hit the fan and they were madly trying to position themselves so that none of it hit them. Right now Jared knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that no matter how well he did this scene it wouldn’t be enough to save any of them from what he was sure would happen. Unfortunately he had started the ball rolling the minute he got up but now things had escalated out of control and there was no way he could stop that ball, he simply had to get out of the way before it ran him down.

****************************************************

It was the calm before the storm. Things had calmed down to a degree, as the crew hurriedly prepared for the scene. At this point, Jeff and Jim wandered onto the set and like everyone else they stood in silence watching as the scene was set up.

“What the hell are you two doing here?” shouted Kripke, who was barely keeping it together by this stage.

Jeff was a bit peeved by the less than warm welcome from Kripke. However, he stifled a surly response, reminded himself that he was getting paid regardless and figured next time he was asked to help out he would tell Kripke to shove it where the sun don’t shine but right now he simply replied, “Photo shoot with junior.”

“Do I look like I have a stills camera in my hand?” Kripke asked. Clearly he needed to get smarter actors. As for Jim, hell the man barely made it into six episodes a season and even then it was usually for thirty seconds at the beginning or end. So Kripke made an executive decision, he could do that you know, because he was the executive producer, “Jim I think we’ll cut Bobby from this episode. Listen a reporter from Companion TV is visiting today, why don’t you go talk to him about the finale?”

Jim shrugged. No skin off his nose and in fact he came out better off because now he could plug his book. “No problems, I’ll get to him in a while. Bob Singer’s taking him on a set tour right now.”

Kripke cringed and prayed to the gods of television that if the reporter walked in now that everyone behaved themselves, although he wasn’t confident considering how bizarre everything had been so far.

So Jeff and Jim hung around since they had nothing better to do. They had heard that the boys were arguing but why and about what was still a mystery. However, everything seemed normal now, so unlike the rest of the crew, who were making bets as to how long it would be before chaos took over, Jeff and Jim were content to fill in time by watching the boys act.

Kripke called everyone to attention and began to organize the set, “Now since Jared can’t be around Jake without giving him a little man love, we’ll go from the scene where Dean and Sam discuss Adam’s future in the hallway,” Kripke announced. “So Jake you need to step out of the way so that Jared and Jensen can do their thing.”

Jared was reluctant to let Jake go but when he spotted Jeff he told the younger man to go and stand with him. “No matter what happens, stay with Dad until I come and get you.”

Jake could sense the mounting tension on the set and no way in hell did he want to leave his safe haven but he trusted Jared. “Stay with Dad,” he repeated obediently.

Jared nodded and Jake left to stand beside Jeff.

Jeff briefly acknowledged the boy and secretly prayed that another round of clinging to Daddy would not ensue. His prayers failed as the boy stood shoulder to shoulder with him and his personal space became non-existent. It’s definitely going to be a long afternoon if this keeps up, he thought miserably.

******************************

Kripke had never been a huge coffee drinker but he generally indulged in a cup or two when directing and right now he seriously needed one. He knew that getting through this as calmly and efficiently as possible required some level of caffeine in his system and Sally usually preempted his needs by presenting him with his coffee the minute he came on set. However today, she and his coffee were conspicuous by their absence.  
.  
“Does anyone know where Sally and my coffee is?” he called hoping he wouldn’t have to miss out before they started filming. He didn’t get a reply but he did get to watch in stunned disbelief as his normally efficient craft services manager left a trail of spilt coffee as she zigzagged through the assembled crew.

“…’Scuse me, ‘scuse me…I said ‘scuse me…” whined Sally as she navigated her way through the crowd.

Swaying slightly she dutifully handed Kripke a half cup of coffee. He mumbled “thanks;” she slurred ‘bottoms up” and he stood transfixed as she staggered away to who knows where, leaving him to question, yet again, what had possessed his normally sane staff.

As he pondered this latest situation he inhaled the aroma of the coffee, smiled contentedly, took one sip and threw it in the nearest bin in horror. Obviously Sally had felt the need to share the love or in this case the alcohol and his desperately needed coffee had been laced with a shot, or two, of whiskey. That was so not what he needed right now and he made a mental note to speak to Sally after they had finished filming; can’t have the staff drinking on the job. Still if her day had been anything like his, then he understood why she had turned to alcohol to make it through the day. He might even end up doing the same soon if things kept going the way they were.

However for Jensen, who had spent every waking minute trying to get a cup of coffee, what just happened was unbelievable let alone unforgivable. He simply couldn’t understand why Kripke would throw away a perfectly good cup of coffee when so many people had missed out on one today. All that caffeine wasted…just wasted. He contemplated whether he could grab the cup from the bin and drink the dregs before he was hauled off to act. He figured he wouldn’t be able to but was reluctant to just walk away knowing that a coffee was within arm’s reach.

Fuck my life, Jensen thought miserably as he eyed off the bin. Today just sucks.

“Great Jensen,” cried Kripke. “That’s just what we need. Dean is shocked and horrified by what Sam is saying; good to see you’re back on track. Okay everyone places; let’s take it from the top and…action!”

Kripke stood waiting for the ‘action’ that never came as Jensen continued to muse about what his life today would have been like if he had had a coffee. Jared on the other hand was wondering how far he could run before Kripke’s hell hounds found him. Either way neither man seemed to realize that they were expected to act.

“CUT! Come on boys. Get with the program. Jared wake up and smell the roses and Jensen, Dean just pulled Sam in here and he says, ‘What the hell was that?’ Get it?”

“Got it!” muttered Jensen.

“Good! Okay…rolling. ACTION!” And once again nothing happened. Jensen continued to stare at the bin where the coffee had been thrown and Jared stared at Jensen and then the bin and back to Jensen as if the secret to life lay somewhere between the two.

“CUT! Jared you look like a tourist. Cut with the swivel head and Jensen we don’t have time for this! Since it appears you have suddenly developed stage fright after seventy-eight episodes then we’ll go from Sam’s line, ‘Dean, when I look at Adam, you know what I see?’ Get it?

“Got it!” Jared answered confidently, happy to finally have a focus.

“Good! Rolling. ACTION.”

Jared immediately stepped into Sam’s boots. “Dean, when I look at Adam, you know what I see?”

Jensen seemed to snap out of his funk and began to act flawlessly; “A normal kid!” replied Dean.

The lines between the two were perfectly delivered until Sam had to say, ‘what makes Adam so special?’ and somewhere around there Jensen had a brain fart.

“What, are you jealous of the kid?” asked Dean, although the line was delivered through gritted teeth.

“Are you?” Jared replied, saying the line completely in character. Unfortunately he was blissfully unaware that Jensen had stepped way out of his character.

“Jealous?” Jensen’s voice raised an octave. “Of him? No fucking way! In fact I feel sorry for him having you pound into him like that…I’m surprised he can still walk!”

Jared’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, Jake started hyperventilating and Jeff turned to Jim and remarked, “I think we missed something.”

“Ya think,” drawled Jim in his best Bobby voice.

“CUT” Kripke roared. “JESUS CHRIST JENSEN! Kids watch this show! This is Supernatural, you remember right? A show about two brothers on the road fighting things that go bump in the night. Kids like it, grownups like it and trust me if they wanted Brokeback fucking Mountain they would hire it instead of watching your sorry ass night after night.” As he blasted his so called actors, red didn’t even begin to cover the color of Kripke’s face. “I can’t believe I actually have to remind you of this; but you are supposed to be BROTHERS! NOW START ACTING LIKE IT! So I am only going to say this once. If you don’t get through this scene perfectly, I will happily use your balls to decorate my fucking office!”

The Js along with all males in the room instinctively protected their manhood. After all, everyone had heard about the balls on the wall thing but no-one was sure when Kripke would try and harvest a new crop, so protecting their privates was prudent.

Jared frowned; he hated it when he was the last to know something. He leaned in close to Jensen and despite the fact that they were still fighting he whispered, “Seriously did I miss a memo on the balls thing, because this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that today”

“Bite me bigfoot,” Jensen responded although he too wondered what he had missed today regarding Kripke’s kinks.

All that could be heard was uncontrollable giggles from the girls in the room and grunts from the guys, who were still protecting themselves from becoming the next wall hanging in Kripke’s office. That was until an overheard light suddenly fell to ground near a group of P.A.s. The initial scream of shock was followed by silence as everyone stared at the mess and then up at the roof.

“Greg!” Kripke warned. “There are people down here, watch what you’re doing.”

Kripke really regretted bringing the guy in from the other crew. Apparently from what he had been told by some of the P.A.s, the man had overloaded the generators and blinded innocent bystanders all day. He was a walking disaster and not the type of person he needed on set.

“My bad,” chirped Greg who, by the sound of his voice, couldn’t give a flying fuck that one of the lights almost took out a P.A.

“An apology would be nice,” someone yelled from the group of almost victims.

Greg, who had had a bad day himself, snapped back, “What can I say; if I didn’t have a black eye none of this would’ve happened.”

Naturally Jensen couldn’t let that one go. “You son of a bitch you threw the first punch, so don’t start blaming me for what happened. You’ve been a pain in my butt all day and you’re lucky it’s not both eyes.”

That was the last straw for Greg. Yes maybe he had started it and yes he did get in a few lucky punches so he had no real complaints except he just didn’t like the guy and that was that. “You know what? I am sorry. If I could’ve seen better, then I would have accidentally dropped it on you. So you know what? I am sorry…sorry I missed!”

And that’s all it took for the butterfly effect to move into overdrive. Before Kripke could bring a halt to the rapidly deteriorating situation a number of P.A.s started to climb up the scissor lift in pursuit of the psychotic lighting guy.

Jared, who was already stunned by the turn of events, had an even greater revelation. There was something strangely familiar about that lighting tech…“hey Jen isn’t that the same lighting guy a few years ago…”

“Damn straight,” Jensen exclaimed. “But then you would have known that if you hadn’t spent all day fighting me or avoiding me. That guy has been in my face all day.”

“It’s not my fault you’re having a bad day,” Jared argued back.

Ignoring the pandemonium about them, as the P.A.s hunted Greg, Jensen and Jared faced off.

“You’re kidding right?” Jensen asked in disbelief. “If I recall my only mistake was that I slept in. All you had to do was wake me, tell me that I’d overslept, go have your shower and make a couple of coffees while I ran around like a madman and got ready. It was that simple Jared. I fucked up by sleeping in but it’s my problem not yours. Instead you took it to a whole new level and thought it was funnier to tell me that the house was on fire and let me think that the love of my life had died in the flames. So don’t you dare blame me for being in a crappy mood because I’m entitled to feel a little pissed off after all that!”

Jared knew what he had done had crossed the line. It was funny to put cling wrap over the toilet seat; it wasn’t funny to play with someone’s emotions. He knew it and he knew that the day would be bad because of what he had done. Jensen was right, but Jared firmly believed that Jensen also brought this sort of stuff down on himself by being lazy and expecting Jared to get him up every single day. When all was said and done, and if they survived the day, there were going to be some major changes at home like Jensen taking responsibility for his own life and in return Jared wouldn’t pull any pranks…on Jensen at least. Problem was he had to get through today.

“I’m sorry,” seemed the best way of building a bridge. Unfortunately Jared added, “But you seriously need to get yourself up in the morning. I shouldn’t have to wake you up day in and day out. What did you do before you met me? Oh right threw clocks at walls. So I’m really sorry about this morning but you should be responsible for yourself and just get up. I’m your lover not your mother.”

You know when you say something and you know as you say it you shouldn’t have but it’s out there now and you can’t take it back? This was one of those moments. Jared’s statement was valid, Jensen did need to take control of his own life but there was such a thing as time and place and in light of what had already gone on today this was the wrong time and wrong place.

Jensen’s eyes narrowed as he seemed to briefly take on board what Jared had said but for Jared it was a faint hope that this would be over. His luck hadn’t been that good today and sure enough Jensen spat back.

“You arrogant, self-righteous prick,” he roared as Jared began to back up rapidly. “You want changes in our life fine! But did you have to bring it up now? Jeez Jared what happened to being adults and having a serious conversation in the privacy of our own home? I know we’re standing in a fake house but this isn’t a fake conversation. You want me to be a grown-up; then how about you start acting like one too.”

And so Jared and Jensen traded insults as Greg ran rampant above their heads and the crowd gasped and shouted with equal measure of fear and anger as all manner of objects rained down upon their heads.

Kripke looked around him, called for peace but was totally ignored as chaos took control. The Js continued to argue in front of him. The P.A.s were on a vendetta to avenge Larry’s emotional breakdown and Greg was as good a starting point as any considering he had attacked them. Generally the dark mood that had driven in with the boys that morning had now taken on a life of its own and despite Kripke being considered God no amount of him demanding that it all stop was going to make one bit of difference.

There was so much pent up anger and frustration on this set, it needed to come out and now seemed as good a time as any for everyone. So as far as the crew was concerned Kripke could yell until he was blue in the face because he hadn’t suffered what they had. He might have had a frustrating afternoon but he hadn’t been there since dawn enduring the physical and mental strain that working with the Js…all three of them, brought on. So while Kripke stood atop his stepladder appealing for calm, below him his crew demanded blood.

As Kripke yelled, Greg continued to hurl anything he could get his hands on at the crowd below, while trying to avoid capture by the P.A.s now chasing him around the grid above the set. The crowd surged this way and that trying to avoid the missiles and that caused its own problems as people were trampled in the rush to avoid the deadly rain of equipment.

From where he sat, trusty dog at his side, Frank just shook his head and decided it would be more fun to get in on the action than to stay out of it. So as the combatants battled it out, Zorba’s Dance blared over the speakers on Frank’s sound desk, which ironically were top quality ‘Jensen’ brand.

Jake, who had been too distracted by Greg’s antics to notice that Jared and Jensen were still arguing, now saw Jared backing away from an extremely irate Jensen. Ignoring everything else that was happening around him, he ran to protect Jared, standing between him and Jensen.

“Jared and I didn’t do anything,” he yelled at Jensen. “You have to believe us.”

“This argument has nothing to do with you,” Jensen coolly pointed out. “So mind your own business.”

“If it concerns Jared then yes it does,” Jake insisted.

Jensen was confused by Jake’s devotion particularly since he and Jared weren’t arguing over the ‘hug.’ He was even more baffled why the kid suddenly felt the need to defend someone who could clearly take care of themselves in an argument, especially since it was an argument that didn’t involve him anyway.

Jensen shook his head. He was sure he had missed something in the conversation because the kid just wouldn’t leave, “Why are you here?”

“I’m your brother,” Jake simply replied.

“No why are you here, here,” Jensen pointed between himself and Jared.

“Oh. Right. Jared protected me and I owe him this.”

“Seriously kid do you honestly think I would hurt Jared? I love him.”

Jared beamed. After all that had happened today Jensen stilled loved him.

“Oh grow up Jared,” Jensen snapped, irritated by Jared’s goofy grin. “If you had even half a brain you wouldn’t have started this in the first place. See what happens when you pull pranks. All hell breaks loose.”

“I saw that episode,” Jake informed them.

“I was in that episode.” Jensen growled. “Now you…” He pointed to Jake. “…move away from my boyfriend.” Jared may be an idiot but he was Jensen’s idiot and that was not negotiable.

“No frigging way.” Jake stood with fists up ready to fight Jensen if necessary.

“You’re kidding right? He doesn’t need you to defend his honor. He’s more than capable of fighting his own battles.”

“He looked after me today so I’m repaying the favor,” Jake huffed as he began bouncing on his toes like a boxer. “If you hurt him, I will hurt you, brother or not.”

Jensen was convinced that Jake must have a head injury because it was the only reasonable explanation for the ‘prince charming’ act. “I swear if you do not go away, I will tear you apart limb from limb.”

“Go your hardest,” Jake replied defiantly.

Jensen didn’t need any further encouragement as he dived at the younger man bowling him over but the momentum took out Jared too who in turn took out a wall of the ‘set house’ which sent beams crashing and cords sparking in all directions. All three men ended up in tangle on the floor wrestling for dominance; Jensen trying to remove Jake, Jake trying to defend Jared and Jared trying to separate the other two. Jeff, along with everyone else, couldn’t help but notice the fight particularly since three, six feet something, men rolling around on a fake kitchen floor arguing about who wanted who, was truly something to behold.

By this stage Jeff had had it. He had turned up for what was supposed to be a quick photo shoot and now look what had happened. “That’s enough,” he bellowed at the three boys but it had little effect other than Jensen screaming that Jake started it and Jake accusing Jensen of not loving Jared enough and Jared whining that it wasn’t his fault. “Cut it out all of you,” Jeff demanded. “Or you will all spend the rest of the day in your trailers.”

There was a moment of quiet as the three men scrambled to their feet and guiltily stared at each other and then at their ‘Dad’ but the spell was broken when Jake, with the wisdom of all baby brothers, defiantly pointed out, “Fine but I don’t have a trailer.”

Jared and Jensen paled because they knew what was coming.

“Don’t you sass me boy,” Jeff almost vibrated with rage.

Jake seemed indifferent to the man’s temper. “You lecture me on being responsible? Oh please! You think a ball game here and a fishing trip there make up for years without you? Well think again Daddy. You can pretend I don’t exist but I’m here and I ain’t going nowhere.”

“Anywhere,” Jeff corrected his ‘son’s’ poor use of English.

“Whatever,” Jake replied petulantly.

Jensen watched the veins pulse on Jeff’s neck and quickly stood in front of the boy saving him from the onslaught that he was sure was only seconds away. Moments ago he was the one after Jake but when it came down to it, the brothers stuck together, especially when Dad was involved. Jensen would rather take the yellow-eyed demon out for coffee than have to put up with Daddy dearest’s anger issues.

Jim wandered over to see what was happening and shrugged, darn Winchesters, he idly thought as he watched the goings on. “Your parenting skills are as bad as John’s,” he muttered, chuckling over the lunacy of the situation.

Jeff had always felt a little hard done by getting killed off in the show the way he had. He knew Bobby took over his fatherly duties but deep down it had always irritated him and now those feelings erupted with a vengeance. “You just can’t leave it alone can you?” Jeff snapped at Jim. “I’ve told you before, let it go. What I do with my boys is none of your concern.”

“Well it is when they come running to me every five seconds because you aren’t around.” Jim had had it too. He was barely in six episodes a season yet John who was killed off in the beginning of season two had still managed to be in the show more than him! Between the ghost dad appearances, voiceovers and photo shoots, the man dominated the show even when he wasn’t on set. Well enough was enough. “Whatever happened to what’s dead should stay dead?” he snarled at Jeff.

“I’m here for the boys,” Jeff countered.

“No you’re here for the pay check and the boys high tail it to me for advice.”

“We do not.” Jared felt the need to defend his brothers. He knew they looked to Jim as a father figure but they certainly weren’t running to him the minute he walked on set.

“Do too!” Jim wasn’t going to give in on this one.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” declared Jensen.

“Yeah!” Jake didn’t want to feel left out. He was a Winchester after all.

Ignoring baby Winchester, Jim challenged Jeff. “Prove me wrong.”

The three boys wisely took a step back and let their parental figures deal with their own issues. Of course that left the boys to pick up their brawl from earlier and while they pushed and shoved each other so did everyone else on set as the whole place descended into anarchy.

With the boys out of the way, Jeff faced Jim toe to toe. “You got something to say? Say it to me, not my boys,” he snarled.

“Try and stop me,” Jim challenged.

So Jeff did…with his fist.

Jim returned the favor and soon their battle exploded out onto the set at large crashing past Kripke who was seething in his chair and a nearby group of writers who were huddled in a corner too scared to move and too frightened to stay.

A marauding band of P.A.s spotted the writers and descended upon the hapless group. It seemed the P.A.s were pissed that the writers had holed up in the writer’s room all day, leaving the P.A.s to deal with the Js alone. The writers accused the P.A.s of micromanaging everything, which oddly enough was their job, and stated that the best way to control the boys was to make their lives miserable through writing.

“Oh I see your point. A good ‘Times New Roman, font size 12’ is definitely how I control my kids at home!” The leader of the feral pack of P.A.s remarked sarcastically.

In response Betty, one the writers, typed a simple yet effective statement on the laptop that she carried everywhere… ‘SCREW YOU…FONT SIZE: FUCK OFF’

Naturally the P.A.s disagreed, so they let their fingers do the talking as they pounded the writers around the set.

By this stage Kripke gave up on trying to bring order to the set and thought if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em. As Jeff staggered past for a second time, Kripke was heard to mutter, ‘oh, look dead man walking,’ and so Kripke had found himself a fight too.

He wasn’t the only one cruisin’ for a bruisin’. The effects of the ‘incense’ had obviously worn off Diane sometime between being dragged to the set and Greg’s reign of terror. She noticed the three boys, as well as Jeff and Jim, belting it out and commented to Jeannie that she now understood why Jeannie had torn her hair out, since she had to look after that lot.

Jeannie scrunched her brow in confusion. “But I didn’t pull out my hair,” Jeannie replied, although there was many a time she felt like it.

“Well dear maybe you should stop dying your hair. It’s probably been damaged beyond repair since whole clumps have gone,” Diane exclaimed in horror.

Jeannie felt her scalp and found the bald spot where she had cut away the brush earlier today. Her frustration rose as she retorted, “My hair is not falling out.”

“Well my dear then I’d get a new hairdresser, because the one you have doesn’t know what they are doing.”

Shannon was infuriated by the comment, “I do her hair,” she informed Diane.

“Really? Oh well that explains it,” Diane smugly replied.

“Why you old hippie at least I’m not so high on life that I forget what day of the week it is,” argued Shannon.

“No dear, you just forget which bed you climb out of each morning.”

Shannon turned on Jeannie, “Did you tell her I sleep around? You gossip behind my back?”

“Hey don’t look at me,” snarled Jeannie who was madly trying to cover the bald spot. “Everyone knows about your bedroom escapades. It’s not like I could add anything.”

“You bitch,” Shannon screamed as she flew at her co-worker, eyeliner in one hand and comb in the other.

Jeannie retaliated with a hair brush, while Diane took a step away to avoid the scuffle only to bump into Nancy who had wandered back on set. As usual Nancy seemed oblivious to everything as people brawled around her and missiles flew past her head.

“So how’s your day going darling?” she asked amiably.

Diane was so not in the mood for nice little Nancy’s idealistic ways and went straight for the jugular. “Sweetie you really need to get off the jungle juice it’s unethical.”

It was as if someone had flicked a switch and suddenly Diane was backing away as Nancy marched towards her syringe at the ready. Diane grabbed a coat hanger as she passed a stand of clothes but in her efforts to elude Dr Jekyll’s nurse, she tripped over the make-up girls and soon all four were dueling with coat hangers, makeup, brushes and medical supplies and all the while Frank continued to play music to liven up the day.

He had just hit play and the Benny Hill theme was blasting away when Gary rocketed inside. He had heard the commotion from the parking lot and came to see what had happened. The scene before him was utter destruction, people fighting hand to hand, others up on the overhead grid playing cat and mouse with the lighting guy who was showering people below with anything he could find, the set was demolished, Kripke was being chased by Jeff and, as usual, Frank was being a smart ass.

Gary usually coped with his fair share of idiots but Frank hit a sore spot with him. Without a second thought, Gary charged Frank. Unfortunately while he knew where his target was, he hadn’t counted on a crosswind over the runaway as he had to dodge around clusters of combatants. His narrow miss of the world’s worst DJ went unnoticed by everyone including Frank as the music played on relentlessly.

Gary stood up bouncing around in front of the man, waving his arms in frustration, “I tole you no music. Why you still here. You make people crazy. You make me crazy.” However, Gary never had a chance to finish his tirade because Frank’s dog decided Gary was so much more fun than a ball and took off after the little man.

As Gary went screaming around the set, the dog snapping at his heels, he knocked into Misha and caused the angel to fall to his knees.

“Getting on your knees might work for Jensen, but I don’t swing that way” Kurt informed him with a wink.

Misha had tried to method act all day. He had worked hard to keep that steely gaze and monotone voice but he couldn’t be bothered anymore. Fuck method acting and screw pretending to be angelic. It’s time to raise a little hell, he evilly thought.

“Oh I know! You’re more into loose women. You’d know all about that right Julie?” Misha asked the woman congenially. It was the old cascade affect; if Misha had to be pushed around then so did everyone else within arm’s each.

Julie bristled at his accusation and it was as if the heavens had opened up as she put her angel wings to good use by battling Misha. Kurt stood back and laughed but his good humor didn’t last as the others dragged him down in the confrontation.

If only the camera had been rolling, there would have been no need to shoot the Apocalypse episode. If anyone had walked in they would have been confronted with the ultimate battle scene albeit with a touch of bad writing, stereotypical characters fighting it out, including a poor version of Jackie Chan, as Gary valiantly tried to fend off Frank’s canine critter.

*************************************

Unfortunately, it was at this point that Bob Singer wandered in with Roy, the unfortunate reporter from Companion TV who happened to be on set during one ofthose days.

Bob was nonchalant in the face of the pandemonium before him, as he escorted Roy around the set. “As I’m sure you can see, the crew really get involved in the whole process of bringing the scene to life,” he enthused as he put an arm in front of the reporter to keep him back, so that a ball of people could roll past uninhibited.

“What on earth are they doing?” The horrified reporter asked. He’d heard about the strange activities on the set of Supernatural but thought it was just media hyping things up.

“Well as you know we are five episodes out from the end of the season. The episodes go bang, bang, bang and every opportunity we get, we try and rehearse for the big one, the season finale. You have to understand there is a mindset here. This is the apocalypse. It’s huge! You can’t act it if you don’t feel it,” he stressed to the dazed reporter.

“The finale? This is the finale?” Roy asked ducking as a hairbrush went zooming through the air just above his head.

“Yes it is. Our extras won’t be in until next week and after they all get made-up and costumed we only have a small window of opportunity to rehearse. Time is money you know. Kripke choreographed the scene and as you can see, we have used the crew instead of the extras so that we get the sequencing right. Iron out the kinks and make sure the scene works, you know how it goes. We have an incredible crew here, really nice people.”

“You crazy, weed smoking BITCH!” Came a scream near them, as Nancy pulled Diane by the hair across what was left of kitchen set.

“And of course we always think safety first. Our medic is on the set at all times, right Nance?” Bob explained with a ‘thumbs up’ to the woman. He appeared genuinely unconcerned that said medic seemed to be inflicting pain rather than controlling it.

Bob beamed as he watched the crew belt each other six ways from Sunday. He leaned to the left as a fake demon knife flew past his ear and then continued with his tour. “So you see we have to know what we’re doing or it will be the end of the world,” He chuckled at his own apocalyptic joke.

Roy was stunned. He wasn’t sure if it was safe to move, let alone speak. So he watched as the rehearsal played out before his eyes.

“Now I don’t have to remind you Roy that what happens on set stays on set. I better not see any secrets leaked to our fans. We want to surprise them, so no spoilers you hear?” He stressed to the stunned reporter. “Okay then they seem very busy and I’d hate to interrupt what probably took hours to set up. So why don’t we move on to craft services, sit down and have a coffee and chat where we won’t disturb these fine people?”

The shell-shocked reporter numbly agreed and was guided through the mayhem and off set. All the while Bob prattled about the joys of working on Supernaturaland how inventive they were when it came to making mega episodes like the finale. He was truly proud of what the show had achieved and was more than happy to share his thoughts with his captive audience.

*******************************************

By this point Jake was lost somewhere between the remains of the kitchen and his dead mother’s bedroom. The situation was utter chaos and it took a sharp left turn when Frank’s dog decided Chinese was off the menu and Jake was on it. The dog came snarling in his direction and our gallant prince charming took off like a rocket.

“HELLHOUND!” he screamed as he grabbed the nearest chair, doing his best lion tamer impression, but he knew nothing could stop a hell hound, it was just a matter of time. “GO AWAY. YOUR’E TOO EARLY!”

Frank wondered where his dog had gone, for that matter he had no idea where Gary was either not that he really cared for the latter anyway. The little guy was a bundle of nervous energy; all hurry up and wait and that’s what Frank aimed to do now...wait. He figured what goes around comes around and if he stayed put long enough both the dog and Gary would swing past him again. So he sat down and hoped he had positioned himself far enough away from the fight to escape injury but close enough to enjoy the show.

By the time Frank settled in his prime position there wasn’t a lot for anyone to see. Not because the fight had died down but because Greg had broken almost every light in the place and people were now thrashing around in darkness. The only light on set came from outside through the open stage doors but that was minimal to say the least considering it was now late afternoon and the sun was going down. Light or no light, people fought on, and at the center of it all was Jared and Jensen who were still arguing over their bad morning, Jensen’s lazy habits and Jared’s inappropriate practical jokes.

Meanwhile old Pete checked his watch and figured it was time for him to go set up the fog machine for the graveyard scene. The schedule was fluid but he knew roughly that at 5pm he should be on set. He had heard that there was a bit of to do going on earlier in the day but he assumed that since Kripke never stood for nonsense when he was around, then everyone would’ve knuckled down to work. So he strolled over to the sound stage, dragging the fog machine behind him, muttering about the stupid contraption and its unpredictability.

As he ambled onto the set he really wasn’t prepared for what he saw. Gone was the usual upbeat bustle that permeated the set and what now confronted him was a scene that rivaled any episode he had ever helped film. The place had minimal light; in fact it was downright eerie. Shadows flitted past him, screams rent the air and the sound of shattering glass and breaking timber seemed to surround him.

He thought he recognized Kripke in the distance but he couldn’t be sure and he doubted Kripke would be trying to strangle anyone. He thought he heard the new kid begging for salvation ‘cause a hell hound was after him’…go figure and he could have sworn someone was screamin’ blue murder up in the ceiling but he was damned if he could see what was going on up there, it was just too darn dark.

Whole place has gone stir crazy, he thought as he turned to leave.

The darkness held many dangers and for Pete it was his fog machine. He took two steps in the dim light and collided with it, knocking it over. He scrambled to his feet and kicked it as he grumbled about occupational health and safety issues and whether his contract covered working in an insane asylum. Unfortunately for him and all those on the set his little accident set the recalcitrant machine off and fog began to spew forth engulfing the set.

Pete tried everything he could to stop the machine but it was like it was possessed and in the end he threw his hands in the air in despair and made his way precariously to the nearest exit. He’d deal with his special effects toy when the rest of the crew had calmed down and he figured that might be a while, so he headed to the half collapsed food tent to have a coffee before that Jensen kid got out of there and drained the pot.

Meanwhile, those left behind now battled it out in the fog filled building and the sound of grunts, whacks, oomphs and ouches pierced the mist as people hurtled into each other as they fought around the rapidly disintegrating set.

***********************************************

Jared could hear Jake’s frantic cries above the cacophony but as he was still trading insults and punches with his lover he was unable to help his little brother. The one thing he knew for sure was that he had to stop this nonsense with Jensen as it wasn’t solving anything. So he mentally acknowledged that much of the day’s events had happened because of his little joke at the crack of dawn and now he had to find a way to broker a peace deal before they ruined their relationship once and for all.

“Jen okay I give in,” he called out into the mist. “You win. I fucked up. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” he admitted as he tried to catch his breath. He knew Jensen was nearby, as he had hit him a minute ago but still he had no real idea as to where exactly the man was. “Jen?” he called into the darkness.

“I’m here,” Jensen's worn out voice called though the mist. “I m sorry too but seriously dude you gotta stop with the practical jokes; look what happens when you pull them?” Not that anyone could see a thing even if they did look around them.

Jared was worried about Jake. Something had happened, he could feel it. “Jensen we have to get Jake.”

Of course when Jensen saw an opportunity he ran with it, “Excellent idea. Make him pay for…whatever. You hold him while I kill him…wait a minute…no don’t you touch him!” Jensen cautioned, as he considered some other options. “You held him this morning and look how that turned out. No you find him and then I’ll kill him. If he tries to get away, I’ll track him down because I know the lay of the land. This is my hunting ground.”

“Jen shut the fuck up and listen to me okay?” Jared shouted so as to be heard above the din. He tried a different tact hoping to get through to his lover. “There is no affair. I love you, my balls ache for you. I’m sorry for what happened this morning but right now our little brother is in trouble and it doesn’t matter if you’re mad at him or not, we are a family and families stick together.”

“Okay but what about dad? He’s family too,” Jensen pointed out. “And so is Jim. He said families don’t end with blood.”

Jared laughed, “I know but he also keeps telling us that family is supposed to make you miserable. Personally I say forget ‘em.” Jared was still angry over Jim’s complaints that they run to him all the time. Well if Jim wanted an adult approach to life then he can be left to save his own sorry ass as far as Jared was concerned.

Jensen briefly thought about it and finally replied “Well since I can’t see ‘em and I can’t hear ‘em; I say screw ‘em. We’re the Winchester boys so let's save the runt,” Jensen readily agreed.

They cautiously made their way towards each other and then Jared lead them to where he had heard the younger man screaming but it was hard going. Bodies were everywhere, debris littered the floor and sparks were flying in all directions from exposed wires.

Jared heard something off in the distance that sounded oddly familiar but he couldn’t quite place it. It was a loud popping, crackling noise. He was trying to get a handle on what it was when out of the mist a red glow appeared and in an instant he knew what it was. Oh god…fire! Holy shit the set's on fire.

“Jen fire! The set…” he shouted as he shook Jensen’s arm. “We have to get out of here. Fire! Fire!” he shouted to anyone in earshot.

Jensen grabbed Jared and put a hand over his mouth, “Jared shut up. Not two minutes ago you said you were sorry for this morning. Do you think this is funny telling me the set is on fire? Cut it out. That joke doesn’t work okay. Dude you seriously need a new routine.”

Jared wrenched Jensen hand away. “I’m not joking,” he cried as he swung Jensen around to see the fire. “We have to find Jake and get everyone out of here.”

“The set is on fire?” A stunned Jensen asked. “Jared this isn’t some strange Tulpa thing where you thought about a fire and then it happened?” he asked still not quiet getting that the place was actually going to burn down around him if he didn’t move.

Jared rolled his eyes, not that Jensen would have noticed since he was staring at the rapidly expanding blaze, “No it isn’t. Look Jen I don’t know how it started, maybe Greg up in the roof, maybe we caused it when we crashed into the set, who knows but there’s stuff sparking everywhere. Come on, we have to get out of here.”

It was no use trying to find a fire hose to fight the fire, you were lucky to see a hand in front of your face. So evacuation was the only option. The two men started shouting ‘FIRE’ and soon enough people saw it, let alone felt the effects of the smoke and heat that started taking over the mist. So while people charged the exits to escape the inferno, Jared and Jensen tried to find Jake.

Jake was hysterical. He could see the glow of hellfire creeping towards him. Suddenly out of a shower of sparks and mist emerged a very pissed off red-eyed demon in the form of Genevieve. Her arms were outstretched as if to grab him but suddenly two beings partially emerged from the fog and smoke, lifted her up and she was gone to who knows where. Jake gasped and wondered if the demons had dragged her back into the pit. He was relieved she was gone but the hell hound was still after him and there seemed to be no reprieve from its attack.

Jake’s continued cries for divine intervention finally led Jared and Jensen to his side. Frank’s dog sensing imminent death left the group to their fate as it changed direction and ran to the exit.

“Come with us,” Jensen told Jake as he and Jared took an arm each and tried to find the exit.

The smoke was overwhelming and they could feel the heat as the flames grew closer but just like Genevieve had been whisked away, the otherworldly beings reappeared in front of them. It was too much for Jake…the day had been unbelievable and now just as he thought rescue was at hand thanks to his brothers, it was too late because ‘they’ had come for him. So he did the only thing he could think of…he passed out.

***************************************

 

Jake awoke a short while later in the open air, propped up on a stretcher, oxygen mask on his face and his ‘brothers’ standing either side of him drinking coffee. He looked around him and was awed to see dozens of dazed people, some helping others to walk, emerge from the semi-darkness and slowly make their way across the lot while the hauntingly beautiful song, Nearer My God To Thee, played softly in the background.

“Is this the end?” he asked Jensen sadly.

“Could be kid, could be,” Jensen replied quietly as he looked around the utter disaster that had been his workplace and wondered if any of them would still have a job in the morning.

Fortunately the fire crews had arrived pretty quickly and brought the blaze under control but a third of the set had been torched. The forty or so people inside when the fire began had made it out safely, albeit with varying degrees of smoke inhalation, as well as an assortment of broken limbs and bruises, although the latter injuries had nothing to do with the fire. All around them were fire trucks, a fleet of ambulances and a bus load of journalists eager for the lowdown.

Kripke stood staring at what was left of his set and he looked like he was going to self destruct. No-one dared approach him for fear that they may lose their lives, their jobs or god forbid their balls.

Bob Singer walked towards him with the reluctant reporter Roy in tow. They had emerged from the half collapsed craft services tent to view the damage first hand.

“You’re a lucky man,” Bob informed him. “See all those vultures outside the fence? They can write whatever they like but they don’t know the truth. You have a scoop here Roy. This is your story. You’re family now. You lived through this with us. So let the world know how bravely your family fought this catastrophe and tell the fans that Supernatural may have gone to hell but it will climb out of the pit and be bigger and better.”

Roy looked around him in shock. “Family?” He asked weakly.

“Yes Roy, family. That’s what our show has always been about…family. Go forth and writeth the word. Make your father proud,” he decreed as he nodded towards Kripke who was still shaking with rage. “Ease his heavy heart…”

“Okay,” Roy whispered but he had already decided that he would rather lose his job than spend another second surrounded by theses freaks. Scoop or no scoop he bolted and almost made it to the gate when Jim and Jeff bailed him up.

“Hi Roy, it’s Jeffrey Dean Morgan,” Jeff offered his soot covered hand. “So you’re here for the photo shoot? Someone was supposed to take my photo with the kid. I’m guessing you’re the lucky man.”

“Ah…”

Jim, not wanting to be outdone by a dead guy, pushed forward and said, “Roy, Eric suggested that you interview me. I wrote a book you know?” He informed the man. “So how have you enjoyed your day so far?” He asked as he vied with Jeff for the reporter’s attention. In the end each man draped an arm around Roy’s shoulders and guided him back to the partly demolished food tent, much to Roy’s dismay.

Meanwhile Genevieve, having been rescued by firefighters, had unfinished business with the Winchester brothers. She stormed towards the ambulance where Jake had been deposited by his rescuers.

“Oh boy, we have trouble,” muttered Jensen over his coffee as he watched her steadfast approach.

Jake was tired of being constantly afraid on set. Obviously he wasn’t dead; he had escaped his fate, for now at least. He still had time to be a Winchester and that meant he shouldn’t shrink from a fight. So he whisked off the oxygen mask, leaped off the stretcher and stood in front of Jared and Jensen, blocking Genevieve from getting to them.

“Whoa there tiger,” Jensen stated. He figured Genevieve was still pretty pissed at him over the trailer thing, so this was his battle not Jake’s.

Jake stood his ground. "Lemme at ‘em! I'll splat her!"

“Hey you might want to cut back on the puppy power kid. This woman is out for blood."

Jensen and Jared stood either side of Jake as Genevieve neared. The kid might have thought he could take her on but they knew how hostile she could get.

“Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” she ranted at the men.

Jake’s eyes grew wide as she berated them in her own tongue. “Maybe we should get the translator,” he suggested.

“He’s right next to you kid,” Jensen said nodding to Jared. “Okay Jared what the fuck is she saying?”

Jake looked at Jared, “You speak her language?”

Jared tried to answer but Jensen cut him off, “It’s the demon thing. They have this…connection.”

Jared snorted and began to translate Genevieve’s complaints. His eyebrows shot up as he listened and finally he turned to Jensen with a stunned look on his face and asked incredulously, “You locked her in her trailer and put a devil’s trap on the door?”

Jensen shrugged casually, “She took the last cup of coffee. I was mad.”

“Dude, you have issues,” Jared replied shaking his head in disbelief.

“Don’t get all high and mighty with me. It’s your fault I didn’t get a coffee in the first place,” he reminded Jared and he wasn’t going to let Jake forget about the spilt coffee either, “and you owe me a coffee too kid.”

“Hey, I was trying to keep her in the trailer,” Jake responded feeling the needs of the many outweighed Jensen’s caffeine addiction.

“Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” Genevieve hissed.

Jared winced as he listened, “Really?” he asked, clarifying what she had said.

“Mumble,” she sniffed.

Jared exploded as he turned on the other men. “What the fuck is wrong with you two? You lock her in her trailer,” he reiterated Jensen’s role in all this pointing at him, “and you threw chili powder in her face! Why the hell would you do that?” He asked totally confused by Jake’s actions.

“She’s a demon. I knew you guys used some sort of condiment to control demons, I obviously picked the wrong one,” he pouted, although he couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for her as he noted her red, irritated eyes.

“Way to go junior!” Jensen high-fived the younger man, while Jared shook his head in amazement.

Kripke emerged from his state of shock and shouted into the night, “I know you’re out there Frank, now turn off that damn music.”

As the music ceased, the little dictator director stormed over to the boys. It was if Genevieve didn’t exist since Kripke totally ignored her while he harangued the three men. “You….you…and you…look what you’ve done,” he screamed hysterically.

“We didn’t start the fire,” Jared pointed out.

“No. No you didn’t but if you hadn’t set that lunatic Greg off, none of this would have happened.”

Jensen wasn’t sure if anything actually set Greg off. The tech was more like a bomb anyhow and he just needed someone to light the fuse. Unfortunately Jensen was that person and they now stood in the debris of Greg exploding.

“Is he being arrested?” Jared asked as he watched a muttering and disheveled Greg being placed in a police car then driven away. From Jared’s point of view and he was no expert, he just felt that Greg probably needed some sort of psychiatric treatment rather than prison time.

“Don’t know” Kripke responded. “The fire chief said the guy was clearly off his rocker. Apparently he kept saying something about sending the pretty one back to hell.” Jensen cringed as Kripke continued to speak. “He’ll probably need counseling and a hefty dose of happy pills to keep him sane,” Kripke remarked with a weary sigh; he was tired but it wasn’t over yet. Suddenly he was assailed by a string of invective from Genevieve that really needed no interpretation at all. Nonetheless he turned to Jared for help. “What the fuck is she on about?”

“Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” she ranted with arms flailing and feet stamping.

“Long or short version?” Jared asked.

“Short,” everyone replied.

“She says you can stick your contract where the sun doesn’t shine and if she isn’t killed off by the finale, then she walks and if you try to sue her for breach of contract she will see you and your bony ass in court.”

Kripke’s left eye twitched but he coolly replied, “Tell her I will arrange it. The fans hate her anyway, so no loss there. Anyway, people shouldn’t need to read subtitles to know what the hell she is saying. Lady you seriously need a set of lips that move.”

Jared began relaying Kripke’s message in what everyone assumed was Genevieve speak, “Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble…”

“Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble,” she cut him off angrily.

Jared pursed his lips at Genevieve’s snappy reply and nodded; he caught her message loud and clear.

She turned to leave but gave Jake a piercing glare before she stormed off into the night and he could have sworn her eyes turned black when she did.

“Okay I’ll bite, what did she say?” Jensen asked on behalf of the group.

“She says she understands English so she didn’t need a translation. She also said she hopes Sam and Dean go to hell and that Adam dies a slow and painful death.”

Kripke laughed, “Well I haven’t decided Sam and Dean’s fate but she’s right about Adam. He’s already dead. He died a slow painful death before the boys even met him.”

“I’m dead,” cried Jake, who was clearly shattered by the revelation. His will to fight the evil in the world gone in a heartbeat. “I’m dead!” he grabbed Jensen. “I’m going to hell aren’t I?” he cried.

And as if on cue Frank’s dog again locked on to its target and came straight for Jake.

Jared grabbed the dog by the collar holding it off as best as he could as it barked and snarled at Jake who was clinging to Jensen for protection while muttering, “It’s the hell hound and I’m dead already. I’m dead.”

Jared was frustrated. The day had been too long with too many issues and his patience was gone. “FRANK no dogs! You know the rules. Dogs on set need to be on a leash! Didn’t you see the sign?” Jared yelled over the barking animal.

Frank hadn’t had the best of days either. While it was fun to fill the day with music and sound effects, it wasn’t fun when everyone had a go at him. Today hadn’t exactly been a picnic for him so he readily bit back at Jared, “No, I didn’t see the damned sign. I’M BLIND you idiot and he’s my guide dog. He doesn’t need a leash!”

Suddenly you could hear a pin drop. Even the dog sat obediently at the sound of his master’s voice.

“You’re blind?” The crew collectively asked.

“What, you think I wear sunglasses at night because it’s cool? And people think I’m crazy,” he complained.

Kripke took the opportunity to once and for all put an end to the day from hell and calmly walked over to Frank, grabbed the microphone attached to the sound equipment and in a voice that boomed like God, announced, “Yes Frank is blind. Now that we’ve cleared that up I think we are done here. Go in peace, all of you.” It was the word of God and within seconds the crowd was all but gone.

Frank was happy to leave. He told his dog Stevie to lead the way and together they headed towards the gate. However, he was almost knocked over by Roy, the reporter, who had seen an opportunity to escape and was frantically speeding towards the exit closely followed by Jeff and Jim who were shouting “Come back, come back….”

Frank steadied himself and muttered, “I gotta find us a quieter gig. I might be blind but this lot just doesn’t see what’s in front of them. Come on Stevie let’s find us a place to wait out the maddening crowd,” Frank suggested as the pair disappeared into the darkness.

As he slowly made his way back to the three boys, Kripke had a look on his face that could destroy a lot more than their souls. For the first time today the three agreed on something; they were toast. So they huddled together in the forlorn hope that it would somehow lessen the blow.

Kripke took a deep breath before speaking, “You three brought about the destruction of my set. The only reason none of you are unemployed right now is because I can use the charred remains to open the next episode. As for you Jake, well kid I had an option on your contract for a year but was only going to use you once and then cut you loose. Didn’t want the show ‘jumping the shark’ by bringing in a third brother but you know what? I don’t care anymore. You wanted out of your contract today, well that just isn’t going to happen. You get to experience this over and over and over. So get to know Vancouver ‘cause you ain’t going nowhere.”

Jake paled. He was stuck and he had no choice but to ride it out and see if he could save his soul in a year’s time.

Kripke was on a roll so he laid it all out for them, “You know I once said I would never show hell and I did. I said no angels and the place is full of ‘em,” as he spoke, the three fallen angels trudged by totally oblivious to anything or anyone around them. “Yes the angels are dicks but they are still angels. I also said we would never have Lucifer but it looks like I have no choice there either, thanks to our magnificent writing team. So, in the light of all my other broken promises, the kid lives. Welcome to your cursed family Jake. Boys you get to have Scooby Doo riding around in the back seat. Your fans will love it I’m sure,” he spat out. “So right now I want you three jackasses to go home…together! I want you to bond and try not to kill each other because death is not a good enough reason to get out of your contract. When you come on set next, and considering the shape we are in that could be about a week, you had better be like the brothers you are supposed be portraying. Do you understand me?”

They nodded. They heard that message loud and clear.

Kripke summoned Gary and the little man obediently appeared. “Take the three of them home.”

“NO way boss!” Gary protested.

“You dare defy me?” roared Kripke, who towered over the little guy.

“Kripke mad, I lose job but I no care. They trouble. I no want them in car.”

Kripke accepted the man had probably had it like everyone else today. “Okay you’re off the hook tonight but we’ll discuss this later in the week. Go home. Try and relax.”

Gary bowed reverently, “I do as you say.” He turned to the boys, “and if you smart, though you not smart, you do as he say too,” he gave a Bruce Lee chop to indicate what would happen if they didn’t and backed away slowly.

“So how do we get home?” Jared cautiously asked once Gary had disappeared.

“Take one of the Impalas and don’t break it or it comes out of your paychecks,” Kripke muttered as he strutted away leaving the three huddled together on the deserted lot well almost…

They exchanged half smiles before heading to find an Impala. It had been a very long day and while things still needed sorting out Jake was going to well and truly be part of their world and right now Jared and Jensen didn’t mind that at all.

Jensen climbed behind the wheel of the Impala, Jared in the passenger seat and Jake in the back.

“Hey I’m Scooby Doo,” Jake squealed in delight to be in the car.

“More like Scrappy Doo,” the brothers replied as Jensen gunned the engine and they sped out the gate leaving a trail of burnt rubber behind them.

The sound of Carry on My Wayward Son drifted down the road after them, as Frank strolled away to find Gary for a ride home.

****************************************

 

Gary, their driver, threw a couple of scripts onto the back seat, “Krippe say script changed. Krippe say read. Krippe say learn. What Krippe want, Krippe get. You do now.”

There would be ample time to study the script changes before they arrived on set, so he sat in the car nursing his coffee and staring out into the dark. He really did like this time of day. The dawn was still a way off and only a handful of people were actually up and about at such an early hour. It was always so tranquil like the world was at peace, for a little while at least. So starting work at this time never bothered him and besides today was special. Season five started today and the thought made him a little sad; it was the beginning of the end. His life here had turned out pretty good considering he had almost quit on the first day but now with just a year to go he began to contemplate his future. He could always go back to moving from series to series, an episode of Cold Case here, one of the CSI’s there, but after being part of a family, even a dysfunctional one, he couldn’t help but want to find that again.

“Hey Jake wake up dude, your coffee’s going cold,” Jensen reminded the younger man who was lost in thought.

Jake smiled, saluted his ‘brother’ with the coffee cup and dutifully took a sip. Yes he was a lucky man. He had good friends, a great job and he worked with an amazing, albeit eccentric group of people. In particular Jared and Jensen had welcomed him into their world and now as the three of them headed off to work he sat back in his seat content to watch them lovingly tease each other. He knew that despite the up and downs in their relationship, Jared and Jensen were meant to be together. They were the ultimate odd couple which proved the point that sometimes two wrongs can make it right…

The End

******************************************

 

 

Endnotes

Note 1: The alternate title, Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself is a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt.  
Note 2: In Prologue - Mount St Helens is a volcano in US that exploded spectacularly in 1980.  
Note 3: In Part 5 - Largemouth bass is a wide mouthed fish. For those interested click the link.  
Note 4: In Part 5 – In real life Jake does have a brother, Shaun and two dogs named Cooper and Maya Jake Abel at IMDB  
Note 5: In Part 6 - If you’re wondering about Frank’s sound system here it is and by the way the speakers are called Jensen *smile* Portable Sound System with Jensen speakers.  
Note 6: In Part 6 - “It's borderline on the simulator, we need to do more tests,” is a line delivered by Mr. Scott (Scotty), the engineer on the Starship Enterprise, in the movie Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979).  
Note 7: In Part 9 Kripke uses a Scissor Lift. If you are not sure what that looks like click on the link.  
Note 8: In Part 10 - Scrappy Doo is Scooby Doo’s fearless nephew who often says "Lemme, at 'em! I'll splat ‘em!" and Taadaa, Taadaa puppy power.”

 

Cast

Actors in Order of Appearance  
Jared Padalecki – Sam Winchester  
Jensen Ackles – Dean Winchester  
Jake Abel – Adam Milligan (Winchester)  
Jeffrey Dean Morgan – John Winchester  
Jim Beaver – Bobby Singer  
Genevieve Cortese – Ruby a Demon  
Misha Collins – Castiel an Angel  
Kurt Fuller – Zachariah an Angel  
Julie McNiven – Anna an Angel

Crew in Order of Appearance  
Gary – Driver and Go-To Guy  
Shannon – Make-Up Artist  
Jeannie – Make-Up Artist  
Frank – The Sound Guy  
Diane – Wardrobe Mistress  
Sally – Craft Services  
Greg Scott – The Lightning Guy  
Betty – Writer  
Heinrich – The Frankfurter Maker  
Suzie – Designer  
Larry – Personal Assistant  
Pete – Special Effects  
Fergus (aka Ferret) – The Cleaner  
Clyde – The Handy Man  
Nancy – The Nutty Nurse  
Kripke ¬– Executive Producer  
The P.A.s – Uncredited  
Bob Singer – Executive Producer

Other Cast  
Roy – The Reporter

 

Translations

• Krippe – Kripke  
• MumbleMumble – anything Genevieve says but no-one other than Jared understands her so who the hell knows what she is saying?  
• AWOL – Absent Without Leave  
• MIA – Missing in Action  
• M.O. – Modus Operandi which is Latin for mode of operation or more simply method, habit or manner of working.  
• Wunderbar - German for wonderful.

 

Music

Part 2:  
The Brady Bunch Theme composed by Frank De Vol and Sherwood Schwartz and performed by the Peppermint Trolley Company

Part 3:  
I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

Part 4:  
Nine to Five by Dolly Parton

Part 5:  
Jaws Theme by John Williams  
Heat of the Moment by Asia

Part 6:  
Shower scene from the movie Psycho Movie by Alfred Hitchcock and Music by Bernard Hermann  
Darth Vader’s Theme by John Williams

Part 7:  
Cheater, Cheater by Joey and Rory  
Let’s talk about sex baby by Salt-N-Pepa

Part 8:  
Angel by Sarah McLachlan  
Love is in the Air by John Paul Young

Part 9:  
Zorba’s Dance by Mikis Theodorakis  
Yakety Sax written by Boots Randolph and James Q. "Spider" Rich, and recorded by Boots Randolph. Often known as the 'Benny Hill' Theme

Part 10:  
Nearer My God To Thee sung by a choir from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Written by Sarah Flower Adams in 1841 and set to music by Eliza Flower, for William Johnson Fox's collection ‘Hymns and Anthems.’  
Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas

Epilogue:  
Looney Tunes with Porky Pig


End file.
